Film Review “Under the Skin”

Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy McWilliams and Lynsey Taylor Mackay
Directed By: Jonathan Glazer
Rated: R
Running Time: 108 minutes
A24 Studios

Our Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Jonathan Glazer must have taken a course on Kubrick and fallen in love with his haunting style. That’s the only way I can describe the bizarre first couple of minutes of “Under the Skin” with its foreboding soundtrack and look straight out of “2001: A Space Odyssey”. Just like “2001”, it may take years for people to appreciate the visually eerie and unsettling feast that “Under the Skin” is. While it may seem like a simplistic tale of an alien luring men for nefarious reasons, there is a sense of fondness that slowly creeps in as the movie progresses.

The unnamed alien assumes the skin of an attractive female (Johannson). She drives across the murky land of Scotland in a full sized white van, constantly stopping to ask for directions to men walking on the street, hoping that maybe they’re heading the same way. That’s so she can offer a ride and seduce them into coming back to her place. From the outside, her “home” appears like any other shabby flat, but on the inside it’s a glassy room devoid of color. Pitch black liquid allowing us to only see the lioness and her victim, her articles of clothing slowly being peeled off while the man can’t get his off quick enough. She lures them across the vast emptiness while the nude men slowly sink into the floor and into their demise.

“Under the Skin” never touches upon the existential questions that surround our alien. Why is this thing here? What exactly does it do with the victims? While these are interesting questions, the movie focuses more on the alien living in the human skin. Suddenly our alien from another planet is fascinated by its skin, possibly absorbing the thoughts and feelings of the predecessor that lived and breathed in its flesh. Those stale eyes that stared blankly at everything earlier in the movie now show fear, concern and sympathy. She goes from stalking prey to looking in scared wonder at the human experience.

Our alien rarely talks and only shifts from sexual visual cues to facial twitches of emotions. Despite the vast amounts of graphic nudity, it never feels or looks sexual in nature. The vibes radiating around the alien or the victims appear to be predatorial. Even later in the movie, bare in front of a mirror, it appears to be entranced by the muscle and tissue it stretched over itself. Johannson’s abilities as an actress really shine here as she remains mute while conveying the inner workings of our creature. Oddly enough no one ever becomes suspicious during the 108 minutes that something might be off with this girl.

It’s a fascinating movie to watch because we never feel comfortable enough to relax throughout the first half and in the second half we’re constantly questioning along with this being. There’s a key turning point that I don’t want to give away and it’s definitely one of the more awkward, unsettling moments. What makes the scene so important is that we go from an unnerving first act to a curious second half. Plot points are told through scenes that constantly perturb the audience. Accompany that with the fact there’s little dialogue, it can be a very alienating film for general audiences. Don’t listen to any dissenters; this is definitely the most visually striking sci-fi movie of the year.

Film Review “Transcendence”

Starring: Johnny Depp, Morgan Freeman and Rebecca Hall
Directed By: Wally Pfister
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 119 minutes
Warner Bros. Pictures

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

“Transcendence” is a clever “What if?” that lacks the necessary ingredients to keep it thoroughly crisp. In our rapidly changing society and even faster technological advances, “Transcendence” presents it’s take on the infinite possibilities that are constantly being worked on. While on the outside, it may simply seem like artificial intelligence gone mad, “Transcendence” has a gooey philosophical core about our culture’s godly acceptance of robotic machinery.

Dr. Will Caster (Depp) is one of the leading minds behind the creation of A.I. Along with his wife, Evelyn (Hall); they are constantly working hard on a sentient program called PINN. The machine requires an entire room filled with processors to operate and has a kind female voice. A terrorist-like organization by the name of RIFT (Revolutionary Independence From Technology) opposes these ideas and executes a singular one-day attack on the A.I. scientist community, which includes Will. Will is pierced with a radioactive bullet that will slowly kill him and Evelyn has a drastic decision to make: Let Will live out the rest of his days at home or transfer his mind into a computer?

So obviously, Evelyn, along with Will’s friend Max (Paul Bettany), begins the process of taking his mind and uploading it onto the PINN endoskeleton. Ironically Max is philosopher of sorts when it comes to society’s willingness to embrace the high-tech Gods, so it’s a bit odd that he would help Evelyn in her quest to turn Will into a digital Frankenstein. To no one’s surprise, the transfer of human thoughts and emotions into a massive data file is a sweeping success. A digitized face of Will appears on screen and in seconds begins to talk and respond. That’s when Will finally realizes, “Maybe we shouldn’t have…”

This is when the movie kicks into the “computer self-awareness” sci-fi cliché. While most take the trope and ride into a more action driven direction, “Transcendence” seems content with letting the plot simmer until the final few moments. During that time you’re only left to wonder if Will actually is inside that machine or if the programming has become a singular entity using thoughts and feelings as a ruse to obtain more power. Sure he finds a way to use nanobots to restore human limbs and repair tissue in split seconds, but once those miniature robots are inside its human, he’s able to remotely control their actions.

The director, Wally Pfister, is a cinematographer by trade and it definitely shows. While Johnny Depp may be the main drive of this movie, Rebecca Hall turns in one of her best performances since “The Prestige”. Morgan Freeman appears to be a miscast as the generic comic relief that feels unnecessary. The film has a lot of ideas, but it never can really settle on one and excel. The notion that Will’s mind has exceeded human intelligence and become a CPU deity is an interesting one, but the script is constantly juggling clichés that distract from this promising concept. Our character’s plight is one that could change the face of the planet, but never feels like it’s on the world stage. In light of my complaints, I had a blast watching the metaphysical material pop up, sometimes blatantly and sometimes lightly. Not a bad first outing for Pfister, but definitely some room for improvement.

Film Review “Cheap Thrills”

Starring: Pat Healy, Sara Paxton and David Koechner
Directed By: E.L. Katz
Rated: R
Running Time: 85 minutes
Drafthouse Films

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

I don’t know about you, but the most I’ve spent on a bottle of liquor is $35 and that was on sale. Imagine spending $300 for a bottle of tequila and silencing the waitress’ doubts that you can afford it by flipping out five Benjamins with a quick flip from your pocket (tip included). That’s exactly the kind of money Colin (Koechner) has to spend and that’s barely a drop in the bucket to his unforeseen amounts of wealth.

Our story isn’t about Colin, it’s about Craig (Healy). Despite being in a happy marriage, Craig is quickly and quietly down on his luck. As soon as he steps outside his apartment, he finds an eviction notice on his door. Even as he arrives to his job as a grease monkey, his boss calmly tells him that the company is downsizing and his name was on the chopping block. Instead of going home and telling his wife that he’s now unemployed and they will soon be out on the street, he decides a night at the bar with his friend Vince (Ethan Embry) would be better. That’s when they meet Colin and his wife Violet (Paxton). They’re celebrating her birthday by making $50 bets and soon want to include them in on the fun.

What kind of fun? Colin tells Craig and Vince that the first one to get the depressed looking female at the bar to slap them across the face, gets $200. Vince is game, but Craig is not. On to a strip club where one of them can now go slap a stripper’s rear end for a couple hundred. Vince is game, but Craig is still not. When they’re chased out, Craig is the one who is picked up by the scruff of his shirt by a bouncer and asked if he’s the one who touched the stripper. Colin in the heat of the moment says, “I’ll give you $500 if you hit him first.” After a night of watching a total stranger shell out money like a deranged Secret Santa and seeing his buddy cheerfully take every bet and make his wallet fatter, Colin gives in. He’s not the strongest looking guy so his meager punch is quickly responded with one knockout blow from our beefcake security guard.

As the night progresses, so does the severity and corrupt nature of the bets, but as the money stakes progress, Colin and Vince can’t help but become competitive. As Craig points out in the movie, we’ve already seen hundreds, if not thousands compete in degrading reality TV competitions, that sometimes involve the consumption of horse genitalia, for the almighty dollar. We also can’t forget that history has taught us that men have done worse for far less. Craig and Violet are a couple that Marquis de Sade would have idolized and wished he had written about. While Violet is the obvious reciprocator of watching these increasingly lewd, sexual, violent acts that Colin and Vince do, Craig is the cuckold husband who is the financial means to an end. Although the narrative is lacking and depraved set-ups are sometimes wasted, this is still a devilishly fun watch.

“Cheap Thrills” shows how insane our characters are willing to go for a quick buck while silently whispering in the audiences ear, “How far would you go?” Our society still divides itself over what is morally right and wrong for some easy cash. Companies will still cut safety corners to save a dime while people will gladly lineup for the next season of bug eating or starvation on “Survivor”. So I ask myself…would I punch the bouncer of a strip club in the face for $500 with the repercussion being a solid blow to my own? Make it $2,000 to help cover the cost of potentially losing my dental crown and you got yourself a deal.

NOW PLAYING EXCLUSIVELY AT AN ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE THEATRE NEAR YOU!

Film Review “Sabotage”

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington and Olivia Williams
Directed By: David Ayer
Rated: R
Running Time: 109 Minutes
Open Road Films

Our Score: 2.5 out of 5 stars

First thing I did when I got home from this movie was Google Arnold Schwarzenegger’s age. At this point in life I’m just hoping to look half as fit as he does at 66. In fact I should pray I live that long. The reason that bit of insignificant trivia was at the forefront of my mind is because he can still be a believable action star. After watching ‘Sabotage’, I believe that Schwarzenegger can pull off the lead in as many violent movies he wants to for the next decade. It’s too bad this potential return to form was sabotaged by an obnoxious cast of characters.

Breacher (Schwarzenegger) leads an underground group of mercenary-style DEA agents in a Cartel bust that goes bad when $10 million goes missing by the end of the mission. As much as it would help to visualize my complaints, I don’t feel like rattling off the seven crass biped creatures that make up his squad. They each carry around their own undesirable traits and probably still laugh at their own flatulence in the bathtub. After it becomes apparent that someone in this team has taken the money, the government takes it upon themselves to begin months of questioning and stalking that turns up nothing. But once the government gives up it’s investigation, things become complicated when it appears that the Cartel is now killing them one-by-one. Instead of the federal government becoming interested in an international criminal organization killing DEA agents, an Atlanta detective, Caroline (Williams) picks up an invested interest in the matter.

If it wasn’t for Schwarzenegger and Williams, I would have disliked everything. Despite tallying the highest kill count, Breacher feels like the most sane of the bunch. He seems to be the only one of the group that doesn’t abuse drugs, have a bipolar disorder and is able to carry a civil conversation that doesn’t involve constantly referring to the inquisitive Caroline as a stripper. His ensemble of commando DEA agents come off as a band of vulgar misfits that would much rather get in a fight in the strip club than worry too much about who’s picking them off systematically. I was hoping that the mystery murderers would at least speed up the process.

‘Sabotage’ is mild on the action, but shockingly heavy on the gore. I would have enjoyed more shootouts over people being disgustingly nailed to ceilings and bloated corpses wrapped in chicken wire. This movie goes with a mystery/thriller angle, but falls short of materializing any suspense or intrigue. I’m suppose to be on the edge of my seat with bated breath, but the juggling act of drama, suspense and action has them dropping the ball on multiple occasions instead of performing a trifecta in the genre department.

Despite the ineffective writing I did find myself entertained, but only when Schwarzenegger was realizing not everything has to be delivered in a stone cold tone and when detective Caroline entered a scene equipped with comebacks and pleasantries. I have to touch on these two again because they had a surprising chemistry. Even when the script finally calls for them to “do the deed,” it doesn’t feel forced, but more like a natural comedic break that allows for plot to move forward. Let’s just hope someone realizes Schwarzenegger’s talents are alive and well and shouldn’t be wasted as the sands of time slowly tick away.

Film Review “Divergent”

Starring: Shailene Woodley, Theo James and Zoe Kravitz
Directed By: Neil Burger
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 139 minutes
Summit Entertainment

Our Score: 1 out of 5 stars

War has obliterated the planet, leaving what survivors there are to take refuge in a crumbling Chicago landscape. The residents have divided the city into five factions: Abnegation, Amity, Candor, Dauntless and Erudite. By the age of 16, this bizarre society forces their teens to take an aptitude test that will determine which faction they are ideal for. Looks like it’s time for another movie based off a young adult novel that can’t differentiate itself from it’s siblings.

Beatrice (Woodley) is one of those teenagers mentioned above. She was born into an Abnegation family, but has always yearned to be apart of the Dauntless faction. Why? Who knows. She goes into to take her “test”. All she does is drink a concoction which induces bad acid trip visions. Once she awakens she’s told that she’s a divergent, someone who can actually fit perfectly into any faction. Her “test” administrator tells her to leave and not speak of the test results to anyone. Shadowy conspirators. Mysteries begging to be uncovered. A lot of decent ideas are set-up in the first five minutes followed by an over two hour rough tumble downhill.

Despite having an inconclusive test, on the selection day, Beatrice chooses…you guessed it…the Dauntless faction. And why? Who knows. Dauntless is the military wing of this society, although every time they make an appearance they seem more like adrenaline junkies as they scale buildings and run everywhere. She also decides to go by the name Tris now. Don’t even think about asking me why. We meet her boot camp friend and foes. Christina (Kravitz) turns out to be her true to heart tag-a-long companion. Meanwhile she has to deal with the sophomoric insults of Peter (Miles Teller) and the constant scrutiny of her leader Eric (Jai Courtney). There’s also her instructor and mandatory love interest, Four (James). The first half is an unnecessarily bloated prologue coupled by a few harmless laughs and way too much water treading. By the time things start picking up, we don’t know a whole lot and we don’t care.

The theme, individualism and being skeptical of authoritarian regimes, is the movie’s hammer and they bash you across the face with it repeatedly. This movie not only steals cliches, it repeats the same ones throughout the movie. There’s a dystopian world waiting to be explored along with a power struggle wanting to be uncovered, but this movie would much rather focus on training montages and capture the flag. The bright spot is definitely the acting. Woodley has shown in the past that she’s fantastic and really able to embody whatever role she’s given. She really gives it her all in this and is incredibly likable. The supporting characters played by James, Kravitz and others live and breathe their characters. This cast is also surrounded by an established group of actors and actresses like Kate Winslet, Ashley Judd and Ray Stevenson. Why couldn’t they hand something readable to these people?

At a certain point I merely entertained myself with questions. Like…what kind of war happened to where the remaining survivors thought a society based on dividing their people into factions that hate each other would be a good idea? Why is it one of the largest cities in the United States was spared full blown devastation? If people are given the free will to choose what faction they join, what’s the point of the test? These questions and more will never be answered in the near two and a half hours you’ll be sitting in the theater. Maybe the answers are in the book. Maybe I should go pick up a copy and figure out what’s going on. But I’m afraid if I go and read the book, I’ll be convincing Hollywood to keep up this young adult movie trend and I’m afraid if you go see “Divergent” this weekend, I’ll have to see the sequel.

CD Review: Babymetal “Babymetal”

Babymetal
“Babymetal”
BMD Fox Records
Produced By: Tsubometal, TAKEMETAL, Kyoto, Yuyoyuppe
Tracks: 13

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

I’m rarely at a loss for words when listening to a song. Babymetal is the latest sensation to hit Youtube and leave American viewers in confused silence. It’s not because we’ve never seen this before, but because we’re seeing two opposite things being slammed together into one creation. On one side, you have a metal band that could easily join the flooded generic metal market. On the other side, you have a trio of underage Japanese girls in skirts and pigtails singing like they’re hoping to be the next big pop sensation to screeching guitars. So. Seriously. Where do I begin?

Babymetal combines throat crushing metal riffs and blast beats with synthetic harmonies and ecstasy induced dance club bass tracks. Suffice to say, a hardcore Babymetal fan could easily show up to a concert and headbang to their heart’s content while fist pumping a glow stick and chanting to songs about eating chocolate. Come on, even the blackest souls in the metal community love chocolate. There are plenty of artists who’ve tried to breed different genres together and have only been met with criticism. People will shrug them off as the latest niche with no lasting impact. But what makes Babymetal linger in our mind longer? It’s a clever approach. They visually play into the perverse mind of a male dominated fan base. For others, it’s a humorous and bewildering experience to see adorable Japanese girls dancing across the stage to death metal.

But how do they stack up musically? It’s heavy and catchy with whatever style it’s blending. It feels like you’re about to watch a violent, cheery anime. The album flies through different styles of both sounds. Songs switch things up by playing death metal, power metal and heavy metal. For every riff they chug differently to, the girls switch up and down the Top 40 list. We’ll get those intermittent breaks of techno, rap and even dubstep, but that’s not say they both stray away from that formula and settle on a mellow Sevendust sound or belt out that heavy rock ballad. Other times you feel like you’re listening to a Dance Dance Revolution song or the latest rave mix. While every song feels unique, the album is very top heavy. Once you’ve passed through the first seven songs, you feel like there’s nothing new to be offered and they falter in delivering a complete album. They do end on a strong note with their final song.

While there’s definitely some songs I’ll be listening to in the future like “Megitsune” and “Akatsuki Akatsuki”, overall they’ll need to start getting past the initial shock value and begin to focus on their work. Presentation is nothing without craft unless your presentation is consistent and the main attraction. In this case, the presentation is cemented in their age. If they simply started trading out singers for younger girls, they’ll appear shallow and potentially show their true colors as a quick cash grab in the same vain as “American Idol”. If they let time take it’s course, the extreme minded perverts will feign interest as their adolescents idols show signs of maturity. What’s left will be those who are simply interested in the music and looking for the next big thing. They need to show those people they’re willing to take the music into a fresh theatrical direction and continue pushing deeper into this bizarre blend of J-Pop and hardcore metal. It’ll definitely be interesting to see if they can move past the novelty they’ve created.

Track Listing:
1.) Babymetal Death
2.) Megitsune
3.) Gimme Choco!!
4.)li ne!
5.) Akatsuki Akatsuki
6.) Doki Doki Morning
7.) Onedari Daisakusen
8.) 4 no Uta
9.) Uki Uki Midnight
10.) Catch Me If You Can
11.) Akumu no Rinbuykyoku
12.) Headbanger!!
13.) Ijime, Dame, Zettai

Film Review “Need for Speed”

Starring: Aaron Paul, Dominic Cooper and Imogen Poots
Directed By: Scott Waugh
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 130 minutes
Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Our Score: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Story? Dumb. Characters? Dumb. Motivations? Dumb. Stunts? Yeah…those were pretty cool, but still dumb. Dumb is the word that best describes this movie. There is some dumb fun to be had, but not enough fun to cover the dumb that induces eye rolling boredom. “Need for Speed” is the latest in a long line of attempts by the studios to peddle street racing smut to teenagers and young adults. For this go around, they base the premise off a video game franchise, but even video games have better writers than this.

Tobey Marshall (Paul) is a grease monkey who moonlights as a street racer in small town USA. He’s in a bit of financial trouble and unlucky for him, an old nemesis of his, Dino Brewster (Cooper), offers him a chance to refurbish an aged mustang. Once it’s spruced up and ready, they make a cool 2.7 million dollars on it. Tobey could walk off with a quarter of that money…or he could risk it all on a pissing contest…I mean street car race. Also, you know a movie’s boring when I think doing the math on 25% of 2.7 million is more entertaining. By the way it’s $675,000. So what a shock, someone dies in their over 200 mph race. It’s Marshall’s best friend Pete (Harrison Gilbertson). Dino clips him in an attempt to win the race. So what an even bigger shock when Dino, the multi-millionaire entrepreneur gets away with it and the scruffy and haggard looking Tobey is thrown in jail for two years. Considering all his years of putting pedestrian’s lives in danger for his races, this doesn’t seem like enough time in jail.

Regardless, the rest of the movie is a cross country revenge tale, but he doesn’t have a vehicle. So he teams up with a quick witted, blonde British gal by the name of Julia (Poots). She gives gives him the keys to the 2.7 million dollar car that he built and she paid for. I’ll let that sink in.

Just when as I was on the verge of falling asleep from this preposterously dull story, the roar of an engine would awake me up and I’d get to watch another silly chase. Things are made even worse by the fact Michael Keaton is rolled out as the host of a videocast who is putting on a prestigious race, only for underground racers, called the De Leon. How he has the financial means to put this on and how the police haven’t wiretapped him to find these illegal races, I don’t know. The De Leon is Tobey’s one chance at revenge against Dino. This movie could be a great form of escapism if it wasn’t so head shakingly stupid.

Once the well shot chases are done, we’re forced to sit through another dose of bad dialogue and head scratching questions. The biggest one is one of Tobey’s friends, Benny, who has a gig with the military that allows him to “commandeer” any plane or helicopter so he can help Tobey dart through city streets. I could have easily just written a review about all the ludicrous moments in this. It’s a bit maddening why two time Emmy award winning Aaron Paul would jump straight into this after coming off one of the most successful TV series of all time. It makes you wonder what it is he saw in this because I certainly don’t see it.

Film Review “300: Rise of an Empire”

Starring: Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green and Lena Headey
Directed By: Noam Murro
Rated: R
Running Time: 102 Minutes
Warner Brothers Pictures

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Prepare for another trip into the re-imagined green screen history of ancient Greece. Prepare for another thick dose of blood splatter to coat the screen. Prepare for another unnecessarily high body count that probably outweighs the actual population of ancient Athens. Prepare for pure testosterone driven men who’ve never heard of the word shirt. Prepare for…ah hell, you get the picture. It’s time for another heaping plateful of gore in Zack Snyder’s stylized look at war, between the Greek city states and Persian Empire.

If you haven’t seen “300”, then don’t bother seeing this; you’re going to be confused. “300: Rise of an Empire” takes place before, during and after the movie “300”. It wraps itself around its predecessor like a cocoon and heavily relies on the viewer having previous knowledge of it. That’s not to say there isn’t a story here. The movie starts off with the Battle of Marathon, detailing the heroics of Themistocles (Stapleton), as he repels the first invasion by Persia and slays Darius, the father of Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro). That segues into Xerxes’ path towards vengeance that will eventually lead to the second invasion of Greece nearly a decade later. He slowly deludes himself into believing he is a God among men. You can thank his right hand woman, Artemisia (Green), for polluting his mind with such a silly notion. Artemisia is Greek by blood, but wills the Persian army to avenge the wrongs made against her. We then see the duo’s carefully laid out land and sea invasions. Since we already the land invasion ends with King Leonidas and 300 Spartans biting the dust, we follow Artemisia as she commands a fleet into two sea battles. Themistocles and Artemisia lead their respective sides into battle, both seemingly invincible when participating in the melee.

I would probably be scolded for this sentiment, but I enjoyed this one more than the first. Where the first one took itself way too seriously and forcibly jammed the idea of freedom into it’s story, this one appears to realize how absurd it’s premise already is and just settles into violent popcorn entertainment. The extreme nationalistic pride is still there, but not persistently regurgitated in conversation. The movie instead propels the war forward as a personal vendetta by Xerxes and Artemisia. With that said, this movie would have crumbled without Eva Green playing a fantastic femme fatale. She owns the role of Artemisia in every way possible, clothing or not. I suspect Green has wanted to be the bad guy in movies for a while because she outshines the 10 foot tall Xerxes and is nothing short of malicious.

Zack Snyder seemed to tag along instead of sit in the director’s chair for this movie. He found Noam Murro to pilot this sequel and I’m not sure why he selected Murro. His only other directorial job was “Smart People”, where he had Dennis Quaid rediscover love and happiness with Sarah Jessica Parker. Maybe I’m wrong in my assumption. Maybe there’s a scene in “Smart People” that hinted at the director’s insatiable appetite to film disembowelment and decapitations of Persian underlings. Regardless, he seems to have filled Zack’s directorial shoes. If you had told me Zack directed this, I would have believed you.

Sure, I could go over the historical inaccuracies that tally higher than the corpse count, but that would be pointless. This movie’s purpose isn’t to be a glimpse into Greek history, but instead just a silly bloodbath. It’s more of the same, but it’s also a re-establishing of the brand Snyder put out way back in 2007. It’s simple minded violence that’s visually exciting and a true thrill to watch play out as it challenges itself to become more ludicrous with it’s psychotic clashes. “Rise of an Empire” manages to do what the Greeks did so famously with their own myths. It takes the history and culture and bloats it to make the heroes appear unbeatable and the enemies hopelessly evil. It then weaves it in an entertaining fashion.

Patton Oswalt talks about hosting the 29th Annual Independent Spirit Awards

Back in 2006, the Independent Spirit Awards changed up their trophy system. Before 2006, winners at the awards show would receive an acrylic glass pyramid containing suspended shoestrings that symbolized the thin budget that independent movies would typically have to work with. They then changed it up to show a bird sitting atop of a pole with that the pole wrapped in shoestrings. So obviously the next logical step would be giving the winners a living, breathing bird. Right? Well that’s the plan at this year’s 29th annual awards. The host, Patton Oswald, was able to talk with me and other reporters at a press conference, to go over his avian stunt, comedic or not, as well as talk about what an honor it is to host this prestigious event.

Patton Oswalt is very familiar with the awards process. His first hosting duties were at the 39th annual Annie Awards where he was quick on his feet, especially when something went wrong, “I’m gonna be very, very aware if somebody reads the wrong cards. He read the wrong winner and I’ll try once again try to make a screw-up like that be delightful.” Even though he’s well known as a stand-up comedian, Patton has received recognition for his acting abilities throughout the years. Many people will remember him as the voice of Remy in “Ratatouille”, but his most recent portrayal as Matt Freehauf in “Young Adult,” landed him the New York Film Critics award for best supporting actor. So it’s understandable that Patton Oswalt would be ready to host the Independent Spirit Awards, but not a lot of hosts spend their time leading up to the awards preparing themselves for birds. but that’s what he’s been doing.

“I feel pretty ready. I’ve been down to the park a lot, chasing them around, yelling at them, so we’ll see,” Patton said jokingly. There should be no worries among animal activists or organizations. Patton says the birds will be well taken care of. The real challenge for him however, may actually be having to be around a bird, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but I have a paralyzing fears of birds…I don’t think it’ll affect my performance.” Patton says he wasn’t sure what kind of birds they would have though. Or even if they would be different for each nomination. He was sure that the winners would actually be able to keep their feathered prize, “They can keep them, they can set them free. Trust me, I know actors, I know directors, there’s all kinds of things they could do with birds, some I would rather not go into.” Patton said the birds will be cage free and actually be handled by the presenters and winners. With fears extinguished, Patton returned to the jokes by reassuring everyone that if anyone’s award…I mean bird…died days, months, or years later, the contingency plan would be to give the winner a baby cougar as a replacement.

It’s not odd for a comedian to host the Independent Spirit Awards. Previous hosts have included, Sarah Silverman, Steve Coogan and Eddie Izzard. When putting the jokes aside and getting to the meat of the night, anyone would gladly tell you they really look at the Independent Spirit Awards as a venue to see some great future filmmakers and actors as well as those who are deserving of some praise. Patton was no different. He really divulged a deep passion and appreciation for the awards, “For me, being the kind of film buff I am, this award show digs pretty deep into trying to find movies that took risks and rolled the dice. It rewards people that are clearly emerging that are going to be doing great stuff with their careers. What I also love is that they keep an eye open for veterans like Robert Redford and Bruce Dern who continue to take risks and seek out challenging, different material.”

Patton further proved his love for movies by rattling off some of his favorites at this year’s awards and he was not short of praise, “The crop of films they sent me was pretty stunning. ‘The Spectacular Now’ I thought was fantastic. I hope ‘Enough Said’ wins everything it gets nominated for. The documentary ‘The Act of Killing,’ I thought it was crucial. Hard to watch, but crucial. I really hope that Bruce Dern wins for ‘Nebraska’ because I thought he was just amazing. That guy’s had awards coming for a long time in my opinion, so that would be great.” Patton says he’s spent plenty of time catching up on movies and says that he was able to catch other award nominees like “Dallas Buyer’s Club,” “Short Term 12,” and the documentary “Computer Chess.”

With millions of viewers still choosing to watch the Oscars this year, it only seemed fitting that the last question for Patton Oswalt would be if the Independent Spirit Awards is a good predictor for the Academy. He didn’t shy away from the question, “I think it goes beyond that. I think that the Independent Spirit Awards are an important predictor of who you’re going to be rooting for in the Oscars, like ten years down the road. That’s what makes it so exciting for me, that this is like giving an award to Martin Scorsese in 1971 for ‘Who’s Knocking On My Door.’ You’re seeing people at the beginning of their, I’m going to use the word journey, but it really is. These are the future masters that you’re watching when they’re young and it makes it that much more crucial and stressful for me. I really want to do well by these guys because these are the people that are going to be making movies down the road that we’re going to be fighting over at the Oscars.”

For those interested (and how can you not be?), you can catch the 29th Annual Independent Spirit Awards on IFC, Sunday, March 1st. The fun begins at 10 p.m. EST/PST.

Film Review “Son of God”

Starring: Diogo Morgado, Roma Downey and Darwin Shaw
Directed By: Christopher Spencer
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 138 Minutes
20th Century Fox

Our Score: 2 out of 5 stars

I have to preface this review by stating that I attended Catholic school for four years. During those years I probably learned more about the Christian faith than I have at any other point in my life. No matter what grade, one part of our day was dedicated to a religion class. No, not learning about other religions and expanding our horizons, but instead just going over the same Biblical curriculum. Think of it in the same way they hammer in English and math lessons every year in schools. During religion class, we either read scripture, interpreted scripture or watched a good old fashioned New Testament movie. I watched almost every single kind, ranging from animated, black and white, silent, TV series and ones I’m fairly certain were created just for church distribution. Very few of them distinguished themselves when retelling the story of Jesus. “Son of God” is no different.

With hundreds of pages to go off, where does the movie begin? Well it never feels like it actually starts off anywhere and instead just dabbles throughout the beginnings of Jesus Christ (Morgado). I guess you could say it starts at his birth, but that literally occupies a couple of minutes in the movie. For some reason they try to establish Pontius Pilate (Greg Hicks) early on. He’s clearly a big player later in the story, but showcasing him on horseback while his minions kill people seems rather pointless. The story isn’t really set in stone. We have some random narrative from the Apostle John (Sebastian Knapp) that adds nothing. The first third of the movie is spent meandering from one random story to the next and surprisingly Christ’s baptism was not one of those stories. We reach some consistency when Jesus makes his final entry into Jerusalem before his crucifixion. I feel like most movies on the life of Christ hinge their emotional bets on the crucifixion. “Son of God” does too, but the payoff comes off passionless.

The movie oddly spends half it’s time dipping into the behind the scenes politics of the Romans and the Jewish elders bickering about Jesus. It saps previous screentime that could have been used to build the relationship Jesus had with the Virgin Mary (Downey) or his Apostles. The movie heavily focuses on the people who seem to lack faith in Christ’s abilities. Everyone from bystanders to his Apostles are constantly second guessing his claims and his miracles. As for the actors, they’re convincing enough in their roles, but nothing screams job security. Playing the Lord and Savior for over a billion people is a tough task, but Diogo Morgado is a bit underwhelming. He smiles some pearly whites when delivering a sermon, but Jesus wasn’t all niceties and politeness. One of the most pivotal stories of the New Testament is when Jesus becomes physically upset that the temple in Jerusalem has become a den of thieves and crooks who peddle their goods. This movie should call for Jesus to become physically upset (the only time it happens in the Bible), but instead becomes an obvious sign that Morgado may not have been the right man for the role.

This isn’t a bad movie, but it’s not a good movie either. This movie suffers from being way too vanilla with its material. It seems afraid to try anything new in terms of story telling. I had to ask myself after the movie: Why must a movie like this be made if there’s nothing creatively new to add? I know the immediate response would be to spread the word of God for a new generation. But I don’t think that’s a real reason if this movie is simply a cut and paste theatrical release of “The Bible” miniseries that was aired on the History Channel. Maybe I’m wrong. All I know is, future Catholic school kids will be stuck watching this when teacher feels like letting the TV do the lecturing.

Film Review “Pompeii”

Directed By: Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring: Kit Harington, Emily Browning and Carrie-Anne Moss
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 105 minutes
TriStar Pictures

Our Score: 2 out of 5 stars

I’m not a filmmaker, but I think I found the recipe for Hollywood’s latest CGI reimagining of history, “Pompeii”:

* A disregard for human life seen in every Roland Emmerich disaster movie.
* About three seasons worth of “Games of Thrones” stylized backstory crammed into a 40 minute introductory.
* A half-hearted attempt at “Gladiator” revenge
* Sexy women. Always gotta have that.
* A couple of veteran actors to legitimize everything above.

Maybe I’m a sociopath for going in and thinking the only interesting part of this movie would be Mother Earth smothering people in toxic volcanic ash, but I know when I walk into a movie called “Pompeii”, I would not expect any less. They barely deliver on that.

Alright, so let’s at least gloss over this story that took itself way too seriously to the point of cheesiness. Milo (Harington) is a Celtic slave who carries with him the horrific memories of his entire village and parents being slaughtered by Roman soldiers. He is the latest hot commodity among slave owners because of his seemingly invincible fighting skills in the gladiatorial ring. He’s transported to Pompeii where he’s expected to take on the equally invincible, Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje). Along the way, Milo encounters Cassia (Browning) by pure chance. And by pure chance, I mean they encounter each other while he’s being transported and she’s coming back from Rome…in a city of over 10,000 people. Regardless, she becomes automatically infatuated with him. Too bad the visiting Senator Corvis (Keifer Sutherland) already has his creepy eyes on her. Oh, did I mention he’s the one who led the slaughter of Milo’s village? I’m barely scratching the surface of every little, unexplained or barely touched on, side story. There’s stuff about an unseen Roman emperor, Corvis and Cassia have some history, her parents apparently have turmoil with the empire and some flimsy attempt at making us relate to Atticus’ long path towards freedom. You’ll be rooting for the volcano to just wipe them all out.

Look, when Paul W.S. Anderson’s (not the Paul Anderson that gave us “Boogie Nights”) name pops up in the first couple of moments, you know you’re in for something lacking in plot. This movie however does play to his strong suits, CGI and violence. The fight scenes are entertaining and the multiple scenes of hundreds of people dying are entertaining. But not a lot of other things really peaked my interest. Everyone in this movie talks in angry whispers and half their conversations are passive aggressive remarks. This movie would have been a lot more fun without a story, but a lot more memorable with one.

I shouldn’t be hating this movie too much, I’m a sucker for disaster movies. Despite the constant shifting in my seat throughout, I was attentive for the film’s final act of devastation; complete with a chariot chase. The CGI is great and surprisingly the 3D was well used, especially during the eruption. If you snoozed through middle school or never passed fourth grade history, you will undoubtedly head in not knowing what the ending will be. But most people will know there ‘s no last minute heroics. I mean, the only person who saw this first hand was in a different city watching from afar. He probably didn’t want to witness the horror that was Mount Vesuvius and you probably won’t want to waste your weekend watching this. Wait for a home viewing with friends and beer handy.

Film Review “Endless Love”

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Gabriella Wilde and Bruce Greenwood
Directed By: Shana Feste
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 104 minutes
Universal Pictures

Our Score: 1 out of 5 stars

It must be that time of year. The quick cash in where nearly every company tries to find that bankable Valentine’s Day product. I’m not saying it isn’t a holiday(although that is up for debate), but unlike most economically driven holidays where plenty of businesses can spread out their plans over a couple of months, Valentine’s Day only hits home for a couple of days or just for the one week it rests upon. In terms of the movie industry, February is an opportune time to roll out some romance movies. This year the day of love falls on Friday and instead of taking that opportunity to shine, they’ve rolled out a cart of trash for everyone to feast on called “Endless Love”.

It’s graduation day at the only school in America that doesn’t have ugly teenagers. That’s where we meet David Elliot (Pettyfer). He looks about 10 years older than he’s suppose to be and looks so airbrushed you’d think they patterned the Ken doll off of him. Which raises even more questions as to how he’s single. Anyway…David is smitten by a girl he’s never even talked to, Jade Butterfield (Wilde). David tells us that he’s spent two years simply watching her from afar; too afraid to talk to the most antisocial, quiet girl in the school. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of more things that don’t make sense. So of course the only way for these two to finally meet and converse is at David’s job as a valet. He wins her over with a little grand theft auto and a bunch of quick near kisses. I’m barely 10 minutes in and I already wish I had the metaphorical watch to look at. So as we go through the motions, we realize that our protagonist of this movie will be Jade’s father, Hugh (Greenwood). This is because he automatically distrusts David’s chiseled good looks and scoffs at the fact he has no ambitions for college. Instead of character motivations, we’re given long speeches by characters that are horrendously written and sometimes woodenly delivered. These useless dialogues are suppose to make us feel like our characters have a deeper understanding of life, even though their asinine actions would tell us otherwise. Eventually I quit taking notes because I was putting way more thought into my review than the writers did on this script.

If you’ve never seen attractive white people fall in love before, then this movie will feel like a breath of fresh air. Since I doubt any of you haven’t, you’re going to get through the first act of this movie wondering if the projectionist left a Lifetime movie on by mistake. As you wait for the predictability to play out, you’ll begin to wonder if you’re actually trapped in a time loop where time doesn’t pass because the length really begins to feel like water torture as you pass the hour mark. Then the third act really drags out and pulls out nearly every soap opera twist it can find. This movie falls in the category of “romance movies”, but even admirers of that genre will find this movie incredibly stale. And as the old saying goes, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.

As for the veteran actors in this movie, like Greenwood. You really feel sorry for them. The most agonizing moment comes when Robert Patrick is wheeled out as David’s father, Harry. He was probably has the only enjoyable moments because my mind wandered off to him trying to kill John Connor. It’s sad really. Hollywood had the chance to prove there’s plenty more to be done with the genre this week. They knew movie lovers would use this weekend as a chance to enjoy their two loves, their significant other and movies. Instead of dazzling them and giving them something memorable, Hollywood generated another generic and forgettable movie. You’re better off staying home with your loved one this Friday. Order a pizza and watch “Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown”. It’s more touching than this plane crash.

Film Review “RoboCop (2014)”

Directed By: Jose Padilha
Starring: Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman and Michael Keaton
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 118 minutes
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Here comes the obligatory comparison of the new “RoboCop” to the beloved ultra violent 1987 version. Sure this 2014 reboot comes up short in a lot of aspects that its 27-year-old sibling nailed. It lacks the wit and slights against our media driven culture. It’s satire of American politics isn’t quite as clever or absurdly funny. Also, the violence has been toned down; so don’t expect bullets to cause human bodies to erupt in blood and limbs to be blown off. And worst of all, you won’t leave the theater with any witty one liners. Despite all that, Padilha’s version is well written and a lot of fun.

While the original dropped us into a decaying, future Detroit, this one dumps us into a seemingly modernized Detroit. Regardless, it still puzzles me why a global company and it’s CEO would set up shop in a city with the country’s worst crime and poverty level. Omnicorp, headed by Raymond Sellars (Keaton), is having some difficulty pushing their crime prevention robots. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want robotic soldiers and goliath sized drones with dual machine guns patrolling the streets to keep America safe? If it’s good enough to keep Iran under our iron fist in 2028, then it’s good enough to help Americans sleep at night. So with the help of Dr. Dennett Norton (Oldman), Sellars plans on selling the American public on something else. They’ll combine a damaged human body with their military-grade robotics, to ease the minds of the public by giving them a robot with a conscience. Enter Detroit policeman Alex Murphy (Kinnaman). He’s barely being kept alive after an attempt on his life via a car bomb by a couple of corrupt cops and an underground crime boss. They’ll take what’s left of Murphy’s body, but mostly his mind, and combine it with the hardware of a killing machine. He’s an instant success at putting a dent in crime, but things go south fast when he begins to investigate his own attempted murder.

This movie changes up the tone and sometimes takes itself a bit too seriously, but some of the emotional depth it employs actually works. With this cast, it’s really hard to go wrong when wringing out some new twists on the characters. Oldman plays a great conflicted doctor with flashes of Commissioner Gordon towards the end. Keaton settles in well as a smug, evil corporate villain. Keaton needs to be in more movies as the protagonist. Samuel Jackson really steals the show as Pat Novak, an obvious poke at Fox News pundits. Jackson must have been the only one to have read this script and realize he needs to plant his tongue in his cheek. His role also proves my theory that he’s contractually obligated to drop at least one F-Bomb, censored or not, in every movie he stars in. As for Kinnaman as RoboCop…he’s alright. He’s not outstanding, but if you’re anticipating Oscar worthy performances, you’re in the wrong movie.

I’m not here to tell you that the original is a classic that should have never been remade. To be honest, there’s no real reason the original can’t be revisited or reimagined. The ‘87 version was alright, but not a groundbreaking masterpiece with a twisted lens on our future. The movie was a guilty pleasure, but it was behind the wheel when driving itself into the ground with sequels and two live action and animated series. It is easy to understand a fan’s concern that this new version could be a lifeless mockery, but the movie really does come off as a fresh product for the rebooted series. While I was hoping for a “Dredd 3D” style reimagining, this reboot kept me entertained and managed to rekindle the absurdity of a RoboCop.

DVD Review “Jim Breuer: And Laughter For All”

Actors: Jim Breuer
Directors: Jay Chapman
Rated: NR (Not Rated)
Studio: IMAGE ENTERTAINMENT
DVD Release Date: November 26, 2013
Run Time: 58 minutes

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

At the beginning of this special, Jim Breuer questions himself about how he should do his latest stand-up special. He does this with multiple impersonations. From Joe Pesci to Ozzy Osbourne. It seems like an odd way to begin his latest special. A moment the live audience won’t see from his dressing room. It’s even more bizarre because it’s not necessarily funny, but if you don’t listen to metal, then you’re not gonna find too much to laugh at in the first 20 minutes.

I’m someone who owns every Iron Maiden, Metallica and Slayer album. Sadly though, I’ve only seen Slayer live. So when he kicks things off by talking about becoming an aging metalhead, he has my full attention. Jim Breuer has always had hard rock and metal as a staple of his stand-up, but this time around he’s hit his 40’s. He compares his usual suburban outings, dressing up and watching musicals, to convincing his wife to see Metallica and surviving the madness of Slayer fans. Just so you’re not too out of the loop, he cleverly compares fans seeing Eddie in Iron Maiden to children watching the plush children’s music group, the Wiggles.

If that’s not your cup of tea, he manages to tell the stories of life. The pitfalls of becoming a father, a “jungle safari” and talking about those unnecessary conversations he has with other parents about why his children don’t own a cell phone. He’s very skillful at weaving his stories and comically acting out the folks in his scenarios. He makes sure to complete his stories with Michael Winslow style, microphone induced sound effects. He manages to mouth everything he can from guttural noises to horns. Instead of joke after joke, it’s more like he’s laying out real and possible scenarios and tells it like a story. He really gets into it making full use of the stage to act out.

There doesn’t appear to be an overall theme to the stand-up, but most of his stand-ups that I’ve watched didn’t seem to have one. If there is an idea to this, it’s about how aging has changed his perspective on many things. He could change his stand-up. He could become more relatable. Maybe he could swear more or not swear at all. Those are the questions he poses at the beginning, but by the end when he recounts the day he decided to stand-up, it becomes clear. He loves what he’s done and there’s no reason to change now.

 

Related Content

Film Review “That Awkward Moment”

Starring: Zac Efron, Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan
Directed By: Tom Gormican
Rated: R
Focus Features
94 Minutes

Our Score: 1 out of 5 stars

“That Awkward Moment” is the latest attempt at a bromantic comedy. I feel arthritis settling into my wrists as I type that prefix. Recent comedies and romances are trying to find the more affectionate and passionate side of males. It’s an attempt to break down the walls of gender and show that men can be hurt, endure love and loss and attempt to fill that emotional void by eating a pint of ice cream. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably experienced the pains of relationships and some of you have lost at the game called marriage. “That Awkward Moment” thinks it’s tackling relationships in a fresh way, but instead feels like a horrendously sexist retreading of every romantic movie you’ve seen before.

Mikey (Jordan) has just recently found out his wife has been cheating on him. His marriage is crumbling and he can’t quite face the facts. So he turns to his two best friends, Jason (Efron) and Daniel (Teller). Unlike Mikey, the only character in the movie who shows signs of thought and concern, Jason and Daniel are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. They still go to the bar and pick up chicks for a one night stand. Daniel even has a girl to help him be his wingman. At some point between the terrible jokes and predictable story, the three make a pact to not get into a relationship. I can’t believe I just witnessed that. I just watched a movie justify the character’s motivations, to sleep with random drunk girls they meet at the bar, by saying it’s for their friend who’s going through a divorce. That flimsy, barely mentioned pact, is what causes the main characters to display a failure of commitment towards the women they fall in love with in this movie. Mikey tries to reconcile with his wife, Daniel falls for his wingman(obviously) and of course Jason meets a quirky girl to fall for. And this pile of garbage just expects us to just go with it….for thousandth time in movie history.

Jordan and Teller starred in a pair of my favorite movies last year, “The Spectacular Now” and “Fruitvale Station”. To see them go from the top of their game to trying their best quick fire Judd Apatow liners about the color of a penis is a head shakingly bad drop off. After going home to look up who would ever put a pen to paper over this movie, I found out that it was on the 2010 Hollywood Blacklist. A list considered to be the best unproduced screenplays. So what the hell happened? My best guess is that the script was one page and simply said, “I have an idea that involves Zac Efron going bare ass”. But seriously, I think that none of these actors have comedic timing, but it’s not like any of the jokes were going to really cause side splitting laughter with the right talent. Even when the joke should be done, it continues flailing manically like a train off the tracks before crashing into a theater of silence.

There are no twists and turns, which gave me plenty of time to think during this dumpster fire. I managed to play out the rest of the movie in my head before it happened. I waited for their chauvinistic schemes to fall apart followed by the proverbial get back together happy ending trap all these movies have. It’s not entirely too easy to hate this movie because the actors are in this are easy to like. They’re just portraying unlikeable people. These people would be tolerable if you actually felt like there was some camaraderie and emotion behind them discovering that they’ve reached that special age where they want something more. Even if this movie was fine tuned, it’d still feel like it’s sputtering along for 94 minutes. Instead you’re left with this. And then comes that awkward moment where you ask the ticket taker if you can get a refund.