Tommy Wiseau talks about “The Room” Rifftrax Live, James Franco in “The Disaster Artist” and his Hulu series “The Neighbors”

Tommy Wiseau is the director, producer, writer and star of the cult classic film “The Room”. Since the film was released back in 2003 it has achieved “Rocky Horror” like fame playing to midnight screenings non-stop to a huge fan base. Some called the film one of the worst ever made but true fans see “The Room” for what it really it, which is fun! The film was parodied live by the Rifftrax gang last year and is heading back to theaters again on January 28th, 2016. Media Mikes had a chance to catch up with Tommy again to discuss “The Room”, James Franco playing him in “The Disaster Artist” film adaptation and what else he is currently working on.

Mike Gencarelli: Tell us how you feel about “The Room” being parodied by Rifftrax Live?
Tommy Wiseau: Yeah they reached out to me about a year ago about doing it. I liked what they did, I mean, I don’t support parts of it 100%, but it does show how fun “The Room” is. People take things too serious and the film isn’t made to be serious, it is made to be fun. If you haven’t seen the Rifftrax Live version of “The Room” in theaters, I would recommend it highly when it comes around again January 28th, 2016. And bring a big group of friends with you as well.

Mike Gencarelli: The film has been out for 13 years now, are you ever taken back by the continued interested in it year after year?
Tommy Wiseau: Yes, I am still surprised. I am happy that people are still talking about it and still seeing it in theaters. I also have been working a few new projects as well that I am excited for fans of “The Room” to see as well. I love touring with the film across the country. I usually show “The Room” and an episode of “The Neighbors” as a double header. It is a lot of fun to do and also getting to interact with the fans.

Mike Gencarelli: Last time we spoke back in 2011, you mentioned you were planning a 3D release for “The Room”; can we expect that soon?
Tommy Wiseau: Yeah that is something that I have wanted to do for a while. Making a film into 3D is definitely not an easy process. So yes, I still want to release “The Room” in 3D, but right now I am not sure if I want to reshoot the entire film in 3D or just convert it. But I am definitely still planning and exploring my options. Right now James Franco is making his film of “The Disaster Artist”, so I will let him have that and then I will focus more on the 3D after it is released.

Mike Gencarelli: Speaking of that, tell us about your feelings on James Franco playing you in the film adaption of Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell’s book “The Disaster Artist”?
Tommy Wiseau: I think James is one best actors in the business. I feel good that someone like him is playing me. Of course, I also feel a little like they are taking something away from me since it is based around my life and my movie. I hope that this is a big success for James since then in return I think it will also then bring more people to “The Room” and that’s good.

Mike Gencarelli: Exactly, I think that this will put your film back in the spotlight and also introduce it to a new audience…
Tommy Wiseau: Yes, exactly. I am hoping about that. James and his brothers are doing a very good job so far and I am excited to see it when it comes out later this year.

Mike Gencarelli: Do you have any involvement or input on the upcoming film?
Yeah James did speak with me about the role and I gave him some tips. My life is very complex but I believe he will do a good job. I also have a small part in the film as well, which is cool.

Mike Gencarelli: Did you enjoy playing the villain Linton Kitano in newly released “Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance”?
Tommy Wiseau: It is always great to play a villain, I loved it. This film was a very fun experience for me I can tell you that.

Mike Gencarelli: Your TV series “The Neighbors” has aired 6 episodes on Hulu; any plans for more episodes on that format?
Tommy Wiseau: Yes! Currently 6 episodes have aired on Hulu and the fans really have been excited about what we have so far. I am currently working on another 6 episodes for Hulu. We have been also exploring releasing the episodes in animated format as well. So that is something that we were trying and it also getting a good response. I hope to have the next 6 episodes on Hulu by the end of 2016.

Mike Gencarelli: You did a Reddit AMA last year where you mentioned a new project called “The Foreclosure”, what can you tell us?
Tommy Wiseau: Yeah that is a project that I am currently working on as well as “The Neighbors”. “The Foreclosure” focuses on the housing market right now and looks into the current situation that we are facing today with people not being able to pay for their houses and being forced to foreclose. It is a current topic. There is also another project that I have that is currently untitled but that I cannot talk about right now…maybe in about 3-4 months, I can. But a lot of very excited stuff coming up for my fans!

Film Review “I Am Thor”

“I Am Thor”

Starring: Jon Mikl Thor
Directed by: Ryan Wise
Rated: Not Rated
Running time: 1 hr 24 mins

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Jon Mikl Thor was a bodybuilding, steel bending, brick-smashing rock star in the 70’s and 80’s whose theatrical band THOR hit the scene alongside Metallica and Kiss, but never achieved the gold record status of its contemporaries. After a brief but memorable film career saw him starring in cult classics like “Rock n Roll Nightmare” and “Zombie Nightmare” Thor all but disappeared. Tracing the rise, fall, and rebirth of a determined performer “I Am Thor” paints a fascinating and sometimes unbelievable portrait of this larger-than-life icon.

Anybody who grew up in the 70’s and 80’s had to have caught a glimpse or at the very least heard of Thor at some point during their adolescence. Whether it was tales of his abilities to bend steel or break cinder blocks with a single blow being told around the school yard to possibly catching a late night showing of “Rock n Roll Nightmare” or maybe you were fortunate enough to purchase a copy of Thor’s 1978 release “Keep the Dogs Away”. Whichever it may have been Thor was there. “I Am Thor” is more than just your basic rise, fall and rise again type of documentary. Instead you get an unprecedented look at Thor’s career told directly from the man himself Jon Mikel Thor. From his early beginnings as a body building champion in Canada and the subsequent evolution of the Thor character over 30 years the viewer experiences it all. Packed with both new and vintage footage the film had everything I like in a documentary of this style.

Yes the rise/fall/rise story line is becoming a bit tiring at this point as this film is certainly not the first to adopt this format nor will it probably be the last however, these type of films which showcase one person or a group of peoples undying dedication to themselves and their fans are what keep me coming back for more. “I Am Thor” is a diamond in the rough just waiting to be discovered.

Film Review “The 5th Wave”

Starring: Chloe Grace Moretz, Ron Livingston and Liev Schreiber
Directed by: J. Blakeson
Rated: PG 13
Running time: 1 hr 52 mins
SONY Pictures

Our Score: 1 out of 5 stars

The following plea is for Chloe Grace Moretz: “PLEASE FIND A NEW AGENT!”

After a promising career that began with great performances in such films as “Kick Ass,” “Let Me In” and “Hugo,” in the past couple of years she has starred in such stinkers as the remake of “Carrie” and the “I’m not dead, I’m in a coma” film “If I Stay,” which had the distinction of being, in my opinion, the worse film of 2014. Now, apparently, she’s decided to make my job easy by showing up in, what I’m sure will be, among the worse films of 2016.

Cassie Sullivan (Moretz) is your typical youthful high school girl. She likes to hang with her friends and holds a secret crush on the captain of the football team. But she’s also a good girl, coming home from parties before curfew and looking out for her little brother Sam (Zackary Arthur). Then the aliens come. The end! Sorry. Sadly, it isn’t that easy.

A film only in the sense that it’s being shown in theatres, “The 5th Wave” tells the story about what can happen when you reveal the BIG ending 20 minutes into the film and apparently forget what the words “continuity” and “believable” mean. As the title maintains, there are five waves. The first wave has alien craft hovering over various cities. The second takes out all sources of power. Then the Pharaoh declares that all first born male children are to be killed. Not really. Just seeing if you were paying attention.

How do I hate thee, “5th Wave?” Let me count the ways. Let’s begin with the jaw dropping idea that, when there is an imminent alien invasion, we will continue to send out children to school. When there is no more electrical power or running water we will continue to appear freshly shaved and newly bathed. And when the world does come to an end, the only thing worth salvaging will be Slim Jims. Actually, I like the Slim Jim idea. Director Blakeson (who only goes by his first initial, J – and can you blame him? If I was associated with this film I wouldn’t give my full name either) has cobbled together a hodgepodge of bad plot lines and stretched them out for almost two hours.

Sadly, the fault is not all his (or, for all I know, hers). I also blame the three screenwriters who created these horrible tropes. I can’t believe Akiva Goldsman helped write this thing. This is a man who won an Oscar for writing “A Beautiful Mind,” adapted two John Grisham novels for the screen and does great work for Ron Howard. Of course, he also wrote “Batman and Robin” and the upcoming FIFTH “Transformers” film. OK, maybe I can believe it. Speaking of Oscar, if they gave away an award for most continuity errors in one film, this baby would sweep the category. Just off the top of my head, here are three to look for:

1. While heading for a certain destination, Cassie remarks that she is 30 miles from her destination. After walking for a day or so she comes across a sign that tells her she is 43 miles away. At least the sign points her in the right direction. That being said, a couple days later, when she asks how far she is, the answer is now 60 miles.

2. Early in the film Cassie is given a gun, which she later fires until the slide locks, indicating the weapon is empty. Next time you see it, it’s fully loaded.

3. Remember when I said that all power (electrical, gas, etc) has been eradicated? Cassie comes across an abandoned Jeep on her travels and hops in to rest. Thankfully the dome light is working properly so she can see better.

If you’re still interested in the film, you’re a better person than I am. Pays your money and takes your chances. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Film Review “Anomalisa”

Starring the Voices of: David Thewlis, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Tom Noonan
Directed By: Charlie Kaufman
Rated: R
Running Time: 90 minutes
Paramount Pictures

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Charlie Kaufman is known for writing incredibly deep, poetic films, packed with well-thought out themes highlighting the human condition. It’s hard to whittle down all the ideas that are generally presented in his movies, like “Being John Malkovich”, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” and “Adaptation”. His writing is crisp, refreshing, and sometimes highlights unknown mental problems and the emotional disconnection we sometimes face in this little thing called life. “Anomalisa” is another entry in Kaufman’s peculiar catalogue. It’s his most audacious movie, but it’s also his most overrated.

Visually, “Anomalisa” draws you in with its 3D puppets populating the world. The attention to detail is marvelous, but it allows the viewer to quickly recognize that the people (puppets) are all eerily similar. The men and women, that aren’t Michael Stone (Thewlis), blur together because of their lack of uniqueness. It doesn’t help that everyone in this movie is voiced by Tom Noonan, adding to one of the first ideas of the movie. Michael is alone and that sense of loneliness is more profound that he’s leading on.

Michael talks with a cabbie, a bellhop, his wife, and even his son, but all of them sound the same. Even though he can’t see some of them, they all share the same bright lifeless eyes. His seems to be the only ones with any kind of glimmer. The hopelessness would envelop Michael if it wasn’t for Lisa (Leigh). Unlike everyone else Michael comes across, is shy, slightly disfigured, and most importantly, not voiced by Noonan. Michael’s sadness temporarily fades as he seems to contemplate leaving his wife, his son, and everything else behind for this one person who has broken through his monotone life.

Michael’s experience is slightly more interesting than anyone else because he’s a self-help guru that people adore. It breaks the mold by showing that the ones who are supposed to have all the knowledge and should feel the most love, still act withdrawn and feel isolated from the rest of the happy people surrounding them. It raises an interesting question about how we sometimes wonder if the smiling faces we see around us are facades. At the same time, it asks an equally stranger question, as to whether or not the people we see are actually as deep and emotional as we are. Which is an inherently selfish thought, but Michael’s not perfect. He is selfish.

One of the first real problems with “Anomalisa” is that Michael is not a likeable enough person for us to feel too much sympathy for. But are we supposed to? That seems like the biggest question that goes unanswered in “Anomalisa”. He’s self-absorbed and neurotic, and a quick glance of his life may imply he’s suffering from a mid-life crisis, but this is a Charlie Kaufman film and nothing can be as simple as that. The multiple layers that we have to peel a way to find the answer, only reveals a truth that’s even deeper than we’ve already dug.

As much as I want to love “Anomalisa” for its unique style, its fearless manner in which it tackles its subject and his feelings, I can’t help but feel cheated. I can’t help but feel like Kaufman chose the wrong person to center all these existential feelings and questions around. By the end, Michael is not someone that we should root for or like, and if anything, his unlikeability cheapens the luxuriant message. A lot of dialogue in the beginning feels hackneyed, and as it progresses, it begins to feel threadbare. When your purpose is to show how repetitious life becomes, you run the risk of letting your dialogue become tedious.

I feel like “Anomalisa” would have been a fantastic short, but even within 90 minutes; I may have spent too much time being down in the dumps with Michael. If its goal is to make me feel less optimistic and unsure about our place in the world, it’s succeeded. I can’t recommend “Anomalisa” to the average viewer, but I can recommend it to the thousands of cinephiles and film art students that aspire to be intrepid, brave, and original with their content.

Blu-ray Review “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” Collector’s Edition

“The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” Collector’s Edition
Blu-Ray, DVD
Rated: PG
Studio: Shout! Factory
Film Run Time: 97 minutes

Media Mikes Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars

It Doesn’t Get Any Grosser Than This… Especially in High-Definition! Your favorite grime bandits come to life in this hilarious film full of “gross-out humor” (The New York Times). Based on the wildly trading cards, “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” stars Mackenzie Astin (Iron Will, Wyatt Earp) as a perfectly nice teenager who discovers the Kids…to his great disgust! When the kids are accidentally released from their magical trash can prison, all smell breaks loose. Despite their offensive personal habits – and attitude problems – Dodger (Astin) soon becomes fond of the Kids. But when Messy Tessie, Foul Phil, Valerie Vomit and the whole crew join his fight against thuggish bullies, their efforts just might land them behind bars!

Upon hearing that “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” was getting a Collector’s Edition release I couldn’t wait to check it out in person. I remember renting this movie from the local video store and watching it over and over until we had to return it sometimes just to re-rent it. The latest version of the film’s release which I picked up in Blu-Ray format didn’t really add to the films initial quality including added clarity or sound as portions of the film still remained a bit grainy and the sound a touch on the tinny side however I found those minuet short coming only added to the films appeal as it was a bit reminiscent of the worn out VHS rental cassettes of the mid/late 80’s. It was great to see classic characters such as Ali Gator, Messy Tessy and of course my personal favorite Windy Winston.

As an added bonus to the collector’s edition there are several really cool sections which includes new interviews with the films Special Makeup Effects Creator John Carl Buechler and Makeup Effects Artist Gino Crognale as well as with the films lead Mackenzie Astin, Arturo Gil (Windy Winston) And Kevin Thompson (Ali Gator) among some other great features. Once again the great people at Shout! Factory delivers with this 80’s classic which I couldn’t be happier with.

Film Review “Ride Along 2”

Starring: Kevin Hart, Ice Cube, and Olivia Munn
Directed By: Tim Story
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 101 minutes
Universal Pictures

Our Score: 1 out of 5 stars

It was destined to happen. The first “Ride Along” made over $150 million on a meager 25 million dollar budget. So “Ride Along 2” seemed like a financial inevitability, especially with the recent star power behind Ice Cube’s name and the popularity of Kevin Hart at the box office. 2015 was the year of Hart and Cube helped put together the Oscar-nominated “Straight Outta Compton”. That’s enough praise, because now I’m going to talk about “Ride Along 2”, the laziest follow-up the duo could have done.

Ice Cube and Kevin Hart just can’t work well for a second straight time. Maybe they can’t find the right balance of chemistry or maybe everyone else involved was too busy seeing dollar signs. If you’re going to see “Ride Along 2”, you know the shtick and the comic routine, and by now it’s getting old. Hart plays Ben, a goofy, loveable guy that squeals a lot, is the butt of short jokes, and is about as useful as a Keystone cop. Then there’s Cube, who plays James, a rough edged, no games cop that merely reacts to Ben’s ineffectiveness. We’ve seen this before. It only gets worse.

Ben is no longer trying to be a cop, he is a cop; kind of. He’s in training, but still manages to bungle a sting operation and still applies random useless video game knowledge to real life scenarios. James still gets frustrated and still doesn’t believe Ben is a real cop. James hopes to bring down a drug Lord that’s supplying dealers in Atlanta with supplies; while once again, Ben hopes to tag along. James gets the idea of scaring Ben straight, or at the very least getting him to give up on his dream, by bringing him along to Miami to chase down a mysterious kingpin. I contemplated copying and pasting my review from two years ago since this is the regurgitated plotline of the first.

Overall, “Ride Along 2” isn’t insultingly bad, but it’s biggest problem is that it’s indolent. It never fixes the problems that were seen in the previous installment, nor does it try to do anything new. Not even the smallest of endeavors is seen in the 101 minute runtime. The appearance of Olivia Munn and Ken Jeong are much appreciated, especially Jeong who appears to be the only one who’s willing to have a fun with his bits. Munn simply appears as eye candy, another person who can physically hurt Ben and a love interest for James.

I hate to say it, but I now reflect back on the first movie in a more gentle tone. If you haven’t seen the original, just ignore everything I just said and go about your merry life, not knowing about the trivial attempt at a sequel this movie was. But if you did see the original two years ago and enjoyed it to some extent, steer clear if this cash grab. Nearly everything in this movie is a rehash, except the salary for our leading stars.

“The Revenant” Leads the Nominations Released for the 88th Annual Academy Awards

Just one year after taking home the awards for Best Picture and Best Director for his film, “Birdman,” Alejandro G. Inarittu finds himself back in the race as his new film, “The Revenant,” led all films nominated today for the 88th Annual Academy Awards with (12) nods, including Best Picture and Best Director. The film also scored nominations for Leonardo DiCaprio for Best Actor and Tom Hardy for Best Supporting Actor.

George Miller’s “Mad Max; Fury Road” follows with (9) nominations, also including Best Picture and Best Director. Other Best Picture nominees, with their total nominations, include “The Martian” (7), “Spotlight” (6), “”The Big Short” and “Bridge of Spies” with (5) each, “Room” (4) and “Brooklyn” (3). “The Big Short,” “Room” and “Spotlight” also earned Best Director nominations.

Joining DiCaprio in the Best Actor race are Bryan Cranston (“Trumbo”), Matt Damon (“The Martian”), Michael Fassbender (“Steve Jobs”) and last year’s Best Actor winner, Eddie Redmayne (“The Danish Girl.”

The Best Actress race includes two previous winners of the award and includes Cate Blanchett (“Carol”), Brie Larson (“Room”), Jennifer Lawrence (“Joy”), Charlotte Rampling (“45 Years”) and Saoirse Ronan (“Brooklyn”).

Along with Hardy, nominees for Best Supporting Actor are Christian Bale (“The Big Short”), Mark Ruffalo (“Spotlight), Mark Rylance (“Bridge of Spies”) and Sylvester Stallone (“Creed”). With this nomination Stallone joins Cate Blanchett, Bing Crosby, Paul Newman, Peter O’Toole and Al Pacino as the only actors to be nominated twice for playing the same character. He was previously nominated as Best Actor in 1977 for playing boxer Rocky Balboa in “Rocky.” He also received a nomination that year for writing the script for the Oscar-winning Best Picture.

Best Supporting Actress is a mixture of veteran actresses and newcomers and include Jennifer Jason Leigh (“The Hateful Eight”), Rooney Mara (“Carol”), Rachel McAdams (“Spotlight”), Alicia Vikander (“The Danish Girl”) and Kate Winslet (“Steve Jobs”).

Joining Inarritu and Miller in the Best Director race are Adam McKay (“The Big Short”), Lenny Abrahamson (“Room”) and Tom McCarthy (“Spotlight”)

Nominees for Best Animated Feature are “Anomalisa,” “Boy and the World,’ ‘Inside Out,’ ‘Shaun the Sheep” and “When Marnie Was There.”

“Star Wars – Episode VII: The Force Awakens” earned (5) nominations, primarily in the technical categories.

For a complete list of nominees go to www.oscars.com. The 88th Academy Awards will be handed out on Sunday, February 28th.

Film Review “13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi”

Starring: John Krasinski, James Badge Dale and Pablo Schreiber
Directed by: Michael Bay
Rated: R
Running time: 2 hrs 24 mins
Paramount

Our Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars

There is a great sketch by Monty Python called “The Bookshop” where a man tries to buy books by authors with familiar names. But instead of Charles Dickens, he’s looking for Charles Dikkens (“Dickens with two k’s, the well-known Dutch author”). This sketch immediately came to mind as I watched “13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi,” which is credited as being directed by “Transformers” helmer Michael Bay. Surely, I thought, it must be Michael Baye (the well-known Dutch filmmaker).

Libya. Since the death of Dictator Muammar Gaddafi, the country has been in turmoil. Rival groups infiltrated and raided the various weapons warehouses that Gaddafi had well stocked and the country has become the 21st Century version of the Wild West. In the town of Benghazi there is a compound that holds 26 members of the C.I.A. They put their safety in the hands of a small group of men, contracted by the US government. Things start going crazy when it’s learned that the US Ambassador to Libya, Chris Stevens, will be visiting and staying at a nearby compound. The date is September 11, 2012.

Inspired by, and based on the stories of, several of the contractors that endured 13 hours of hell, “13 Hours” ranks with “Platoon” as a true depiction of what war really is. As the film begins we meet our heroes: Jack Silva (Krasinski), a real estate agent back for a much needed payday; Tyrone “Rone” Woods (Dale), a grizzled veteran of over a dozen missions hoping to make a better life for himself and Mark “Oz” Geist (Max Martini), a hulking man with a kind heart. With their fellow “brothers” they are prepared for anything and everything. Nothing is easy in Libya. Not going for a ride or taking a short walk. They share their duties with members of 17 Feb, an Islamist group that took up weapons after the fall of Gaddafi in hopes of saving their country. However, in a country where automatic weapons and rocket launchers have replaced vegetables at the outdoor market it’s hard to tell who your friend is and who your enemy is. Especially when your “friends” are “making $28.00 a day and have to bring their own bullets.”

Hats off to the cast. They were instructed by either their real-life counterparts or those that knew them and, like Bradley Cooper’s Chris Kyle in “American Sniper” or Mark Wahlberg’s Marcus Lutrell in “Lone Survivor,” they strive for realism in honoring the men they are playing. In fact one of the men, Glen “Bub” Doherty, was close friends with Brandon Webb, the sniper who trained both Kyle and Lutrell. There are no phony heroics here. War is scary as hell and the cast makes sure that mask of horror is front and center.

While the camaraderie of the men is the message of the film, it is the amazing 13-hour battle which is what you will remember. Each round of fighting, escalating and easing up, only to get steadily worse as the night goes on, is a nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat moment. And kudos to director Bay for not making this a typical “Michael Bay” film. There are no shots of men walking in slow motion through a cloud or fog. In fact, there is very little use of slow motion here at all. Only when he cribs the “money shot” from “Pearl Harbor”, following a mortar shell from the sky and all the way down until it hits its target, does he seem to be going for a little flash. Bay also leaves out a lot of the unnecessary politics that still surround this event. If there is fault to be assigned, there is plenty to go around, and Bay allows you to make up your own mind as to who to point your finger at.

 

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And the Winners of the 2015 MediaMikes.com Awards Are…

Thank you to all of the fans who either posted their choices or emailed them in. Another great response from our great readers. For the first time we had a category with a tie.

The awards were voted on and chosen by both the readers and staff of MediaMikes.com. (10) random entries have been selected to receive a nice selection of 2015 Movie Swag and they will be notified shortly by email. A big “thank you” to our friends at Allied Integrated Marketing in Kansas City for providing prize items.

And now, the envelopes please:

BEST PICTURE: (tie) “The Revenant” and “Star Wars – Episode VII: The Force Awakens”

BEST DIRECTOR: Ron Howard, “In the Heart of the Sea”

BEST ACTOR: Leonardo DiCaprio, “The Revenant”

BEST ACTRESS: Brie Larson, “Room”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Mark Rylance, “Bridge of Spies”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Rooney Mara, “Carol”

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: “Inside Out”

BEST ORIGINAL MUSICAL SCORE: John Williams, “Star Wars – Episode VII: The Force Awakens

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Alex Garland, “Ex Machina”

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Drew Goddard, “The Martian”

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: “The Wrecking Crew”

Our Critics Pick Their Best (and Worst) Films of 2015

Now that the calendar has turned over to 2016, some of our critics decided to compile their annual “Best of/Worse of” lists of the films of 2015. You can listen to them list their choices, as well as their reasons, on this week’s “Behind the Mikes” Podcast – http://behindthemikes.podomatic.com/entry/2016-01-03T02_32_33-08_00

Michael Smith

Before I list my favorites, I have an honorary film, “Star Wars – Episode VII: The Force Awakens.” It narrowly missed being a part of my Top 10 but, as the most anticipated film of the year, it delivered everything I wanted and more. My “Best of” choices:

1. The Revenant
2. Bridge of Spies
3. The Connection
4. Creed
5. The Gift
6. Mad Max: Fury Road
7. Sicario
8. Spotlight

9. Here I chose (3) smaller films that didn’t gain a wide release but are still “must sees” in my book:

5-7 – A sweet, May-December romance starring Anton Yelchin and Berenice Marhloe that I called, “cleverly acted by a cast that believes in the material.”

The Looking Glass – A well written, thoughtfully directed character directed film, featuring strong performances by veteran actress Dorothy Tristan, who also wrote the script, and newcomer Grace Tarnow.

Radio America – the story of two men, friends since childhood, who pursue their musical ambitions and learn that sometimes having your dreams come true is costly. Also has a great soundtrack of original music.

10. Straight Outta Compton

Thankfully I was spared many of this years stinkers. My bottom four:
1. Love the Coopers
2. The Last Witch Hunter
3. The Kingsman: The Secret Service
4. Tomorrowland

Jeremy Werner’s Top 10
1. Inside Out
2. Mad Max: Fury Road
3. Sicario
4. Star Wars – Episode VII: The Force Awakens
5. It Follows
6. The Look of Silence
7. Spotlight
8. The Martian
9. Room
10. Carol

And the stinkers:
1. Point Break
2. The Human Centipede 3
3. Hitman: Agent 47
4. The Fantastic Four
5. The Ridiculous Six

Lauren Damon’s Top 7:
1. (tie) Crimson Peak and Ex Machina
2. The Hateful Eight
3. What We Do In the Shadows
4. The Martian
5. Jurassic World
6. Mad Max: Fury Road
7. Cinderella

And Lauren’s terrible 2:
Self/Less
Blackhat

Podcast Contributor Loey Lockerby’s Top 10:
1. Room
2. The Martian
3. Inside Out
4. The Big Short
5. It Follows
6. Ex Machina
7. The Hateful Eight
8. Carol
9. Star Wars – Episode VII: The Force Awakens
10. Mad Max: Fury Road

Loey says they were spared having to watch anything horrible this past year. You can read Loey’s full reviews at www.suchacritic.com

[Editor’s note, an earlier version of this post had Lauren lacking worst picks. She had them.]

Film Review “The Revenant”

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hardy and Will Poulter
Directed by: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
Rated: R
Running time: 2 hrs 36 mins
20th Century Fox

Our Score: 5 out of 5 stars

As a young man, I often accompanied my parents to the drive-in to see movies I probably wasn’t old enough to see. My dad was a big action and western fan, and my early film memories are filled with flickering images of John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Steve McQueen, Richard Harris, Sean Connery and others. I can remember attending a double feature of two Richard Harris films, “A Man Called Horse” and “Man in the Wilderness.” I remember very little about them but, since I learned that “The Revenant” tells the same story as “Man in the Wilderness” I thought I’d share.

The time is 1823. America is not even a half-century old. A fur trapping expedition, led by noted trapper Hugh Glass (DiCaprio) comes under attack by Native Americans. Many are injured and the group decides that it’s best to stow its furs, to retrieve later, and head back to their settlement. On the long journey back, Glass stumbles upon two bear cubs. Before he can react he is attacked by the mother and horribly mauled. Too badly injured to move, the leader of the expedition (Domhnall Gleeson – pretty much appearing in every film this holiday season, including “Brooklyn” and “Star Wars – Episode Seven: The Force Awakens”) entices two men, the grizzled John Fitzgerald (Hardy) and the young man, Jim Bridger (Poulter), to stay with Glass until he dies. The men are to give him a proper burial and then rejoin their group. For doing this they will each get a monetary bonus. Also staying behind is Glass’ son with his Native American wife, Hawk (Forrest Goodluck). Of course, one the group leaves those left in charge begin to panic about being in the woods alone in the dead of winter. Fitzgerald, whose head bears the scars of a scalping gone wrong, decides to hurry the process along. He convinces Bridger to abandon Glass in the woods, reasoning that he will soon die anyway. But Fitzgerald is unaware of what Glass told Hawk when the boy was younger: “As long as you can still grab a breath, you fight.”

Beautifully filmed and superbly acted, “The Revenant” is a true epic adventure about one mans will and desire that is literally being carried on the bear-chewed back of Leonardo DiCaprio. With so many outstanding performances behind him, including “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape,” “Gangs of New York” and “The Departed,” and a long future in front of him, I hesitate to call his work here the performance of his career. So I’ll call it the performance of his career SO FAR! Using very little words, DiCaprio manages to convey the pain and agony, both physical and spiritual, that Glass endures with just his eyes. It truly is, in my opinion, the best acting work turned in this past year by an actor. He is matched by Hardy, who also gives a career defining performance here.

With the snow-covered forests as his tapestry, director Inarritu, who won three Oscars last year as the co-writer, director and producer of “Birdman,” paints another masterpiece. The story flows as easily as the water moves down the Missouri river and the violent action on-screen is amplified by the white and pristine backgrounds. This is, in my opinion, the best film of 2015.

 

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A “Hateful” Conference with Quentin Tarantino, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh and More

Quentin Tarantino’s eighth film, the aptly titled Hateful Eight, is now open in its limited release ‘Roadshow’ engagement for the next two weeks across the US and Canada. For film lovers, Tarantino is harkening back to a style of movie presentation in ultra wide 70 millimeter film that comes complete with a musical overture and intermission. It’s a must for Tarantino fans and I can’t wait to revisit this shocking murder mystery in the old west very soon.

Hateful Eight centers around ‘Hangman’ John Ruth (Kurt Russell), a bounty hunter chained to his bounty, the devious Daisy Domergue (played with absolute venom by Jennifer Jason Leigh). The angry pair’s stagecoach is stranded in a blizzard in the mountains of Wyoming en route to Domergue’s date with the gallows. They take shelter at the only inn midway to their destination where they are locked in with a host of other shady stragglers bearing their own secrets. Tarantino ratchets up the claustrophobia and tension from an extremely strong screenplay in the hands of a brilliant cast.

Seven of the Eight joined director Tarantino and moderator Josh Horowitz (MTV) prior to the film’s release at their New York press conference where the enthusiastic director discussed his thoughts behind the roadshow format and basically received high praise from his all-star cast including Russell, Leigh, Bruce Dern, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Demian Bichir and Walton Goggins.

Tarantino, an emphatic supporter of film over digital described how he and The Weinstein Company set up the Roadshow:

QUENTIN TARANTINO: The Weinstein Company has done an amazing thing–Just to put it in perspective, Warner Brothers put their entire weight behind Christopher Nolan when he did Interstellar. Never the less, they only played in about 11 venues in the course of his 70mm run, we are playing in 44 markets in 100 theatres with our roadshow. And not only that, they literally are some of the biggest and funnest big movie palaces still left. Like you know, The Music Box in Chicago, The Hollywood Theatre in Portland…I think it’s the Fox Theatre in Detroit, Cinerama Dome for 2 weeks in Los Angeles…It’s just really wonderful. And the places that didn’t–all the places that have 70mm capabilities we utilized them, but then other places we just moved the screens in. And moved them in and created it and I remember even talking about it when we first had a discussion. It was like ‘We should be like Neil Diamond coming into town…we should be like Book of Mormon coming into town!’ We go into big venues and maybe they don’t even show movies anymore but we’ll set up our big screen and we’ll set up our projectors and we’ll let ‘er rip! And I mean it has been a herculean effort but they pulled it off. We are screening in 100 theatres between US and Canada. I’m very very proud…

We’re trying to do this like the old school roadshows where…the normal version of the movie that plays, the normal release version–which, by the way when you think of movies like Laurence of Arabia or Ryan’s Daughter or anything, we’ve all probably seen the regular release version–but the roadshows had an overture, they had an intermission and they were a little longer. Ours is about 7 mins longer just for the roadshow version. But you also get…really cool programmes. And they all come with their own pin up ready for your locker of different Hateful Eight people.

Past Oscar nominees Bruce Dern and Demian Bichir were thrilled to be working with Tarantino for the first time and spoke about the opportunity to do so:

DEMIAN BICHIR: I think you know, the first that you’re curious about [is] how everything is gonna work out. Not only because you have this huge director’s name in front of you but with this amazing cast of actors. I remember the first time we had this table reading, you always want to one day say a Tarantino line on film, so I was already very happy and excited about it. But then to listen to every single line in the mouths and bodies of all this group of fantastic actors, that was beautiful. And not only that, I remember at the first reading that we had at this hotel back in Los Angeles, going back home and telling my girl everyone is so damn fucking nice! Because you know, a small fish can be lost in a big ocean unless they embrace you, unless they treat you well. And the first thing that made me very happy when I actually met Quentin was to find a warm man, a very generous loving man, and then you know, the whole thing was a confirmation of whatever I’d thought always. You know, the biggest artists are the nicest.

BRUCE DERN: I’ve been very lucky in my career but this guy, he does a couple things the others of the people I’ve worked with didn’t do: He has the greatest attention to detail I’ve ever seen…The other thing he does is he gives you an opportunity as an actor and everybody behind the camera as well a chance to get better. A chance–his material is so good, so original, so unique if you will, that the big part of it is you’re so excited that he chose you and NOT Ned Beatty or Jimmy Caan [laughs] So that you’re excited to go to work every day. And like with Mr Hitchcock for a few days, I had this every day with Quentin. You’re excited to go to work every day because he just might do something that’s never been done.

Later DERN added: I think that if there’s one thing I might say, the man obviously has a magnet. And what the magnet does to actors is you’re so drawn to him. And we haven’t brought up my main reason why is his reverence for what went before. His respect for the industry…is just mind boggling. And he means it. And if you dared question him, he will put you in your place and tell you facts about stuff that you never even knew was made. And that was the delight for me. And there’s that kind of thing you don’t get very often.

Joining Tarantino again were former Reservoir Dogs Tim Roth (also of Pulp Fiction) and Michael Madsen (featured in both Kill Bills). These ‘vets’ talked about re-teaming with him.

TIM ROTH: Well, I mean the man is the same. But yeah, I was around sort of at the very beginning and then I have this huge break from working with him. So I did get to see in a highly impactful way how his world has changed. How his, the set has changed…and the kind of circus atmosphere that kind of exists on his set. The crew has so much more knowledge of cinema and how to tell his stories. So I saw that big leap. And that was very exciting. It’s different, when we made Reservoir Dogs, I think we made it in about five weeks or so.

TARANTINO: In particular the case of Reservoir Dogs, I was probably the–along with the PAs–I was the least experienced person on the set. Tim and Michael both made a lot of movies by that time. I was just getting through the process.

ROTH: Well you did pretty good!

MICHAEL: Thanks Quentin, I wouldn’t even have a career if it wasn’t for you.

MADSEN elaborated on how he viewed his role as the shady ‘cow puncher’ Joe Gage: I read a biography of James Cagney and he said that if you play somebody who’s very noble, you should probably try to find a mean streak in that person. Or something dark that they’re carrying around. And if you play somebody who’s very evil you should probably find something good in that person. So there’s always a duality of what you do. And the best thing about making a picture for Quentin is that he let’s your character have a duality. If you’re capable of doing it.

Death Proof‘s KURT RUSSELL spends much of Eight chained to Tarantino newcomer JENNIFER JASON LEIGH, Russell explained working within this dynamic.

KURT RUSSELL: Well, first when Jennifer and I started to rehearse, we didn’t really think there would be much of a problem with the chain. We didn’t think it would represent anything much either and nothing could have turned out to be further from the truth. Everything that we did was informed by how that chain was dealt with. And so we had to learn to sort of get the Fred and Ginger of it all together. And that informed their relationship. So for me there was John Ruth and for Jennifer there was Domergue and together we were gonna be this team. Which we felt there was, like anything else, if you’ve been chained together for a week-week-and-a-half, 24/7, you’re gonna know about that person. And the Stockholm syndrome’s gonna set up pretty fast. And it did. In fact over a five month period of time, the Stockholm Syndrome between Jennifer and I set up. It informed everything that we did…
I just want to say one other thing and we haven’t said this but, it was an unspoken thing, this will be the first time she’s heard me say this: Because of who John Ruth was, everything when that clapper goes bang, shouts ‘Action’, that chain is MINE. I own it. Because of that, I felt that as soon as ‘Cut!’ that chain was HERS. We had to have a balance. And boy, I’ll tell you something, I really appreciated what she was going through. You turn that chain over to the other person, it wasn’t easy.

JENNIFER JASON LEIGH: I’m not as good a dance partner!

THE HATEFUL EIGHT

LEIGH elaborated on delving into the character of Daisy:
So much of it obviously is on the page because you’re dealing with such a great script and such a great character. With Daisy there’s a lot that’s mercurial and we had to find. And we wanted to find it together. And so much of Daisy is informed by John Ruth because she is always reacting with him because of what he’s done–The chain, the hits–what might she get from that. Where, you know…she thinks she’s a lot smarter than John Ruth, and actually she is. [Laughter] But there was–she kind of feels like she’s playing him a lot of the movie but there’s this one moment in the movie– and this is what’s so great about doing a Tarantino movie and what’s so great for all of us actors is that we’re always being surprised by everything–There’s a moment where it all shifts. Where John Ruth isn’t just a putz. You know, like a fool that she is just so much smarter than. He’s suddenly very smart and very dark. When he goes and gathers all the guns from everyone. And then she has to rejudge him, just like everyone else in the movie. Everyone in the movie is terrible and hateful. Everyone in the movie you also care for, they have their…maybe their weakness is the good part of them in a certain way…And I just remember the day we shot that scene ’cause Daisy is having a blast. I mean, yeah, she’s going to the gallows but she knows she’s not going to the gallows. She’s got it figured out. But in that moment, it’s not so clear anymore. And that was so exciting as an actress, to not know that was coming. To read it on the page and yet when I felt it happen in the room, I swear my blood went cold. And it was just like phenomenal.

WALTON GOGGINS, who plays Chris Mannix, the new Sheriff of the town (and in my opinion the MVP of the Eight if we had to choose one) also praised Tarantino’s scripts when asked if there was ever any improv of alternate line suggestions:
GOGGINS: There’s no improv in this press conference. He wrote everything. [Laughter] No, no, why would you mess with perfection? You know, we say that because it is. You know it’s every actor’s dream to get an opportunity to say a Quentin Tarantino monologue. Or a line of dialogue. But there is no need to change it. Even to add a ‘the’ or an ‘and’ or a comma, it really is perfect the way that it comes out of his imagination.

Eight actually went through a few drafts, especially after a live read was held in 2014 featuring much of the cast. I asked Tarantino how that live read affected how the film ultimately turned out:
TARANTINO: Well we altered a lot because it was only the first draft. And one of the things about the movie is I wanted to actually do three different drafts of the film. And so this live read was just from the first draft. Which is different than I normally do. Normally I write these big, long unwieldy novels and there’s the beginning and here’s the middle… And the middle’s always great because now you’ve committed to writing so much now you know more about the characters than you ever could before you start writing. And then there’s the end and kind of, by that point the characters have just taken it. So they always dictate the ending to me.
I mean, I’m doing genre movies, so I have an idea where I’m going at the end. I mean at the end of Kill Bill, I thought it was very possible she would kill Bill, alright? [Laughter] But how? Why, exactly? How you feel about it, that was very open to question. But that’s the good thing–one of the reason’s I like genre is because I can explore a lot of different things, but I still kind of have a road that I’m traveling to some degree or another. But this one I wanted to do differently. I wanted to spend time with the material. More time than I normally spend ie through the beginning, middle and end. So I wanted to you know, even go through the process of telling the story three different times.
And I can just give you an example: In the first draft, the Lincoln letter, which is a motif that plays out through the film, it was only dealt with once. And it was in the stage coach. Now, I knew I wanted to do more with it but I wasn’t ready. And I didn’t have any obligation to have to do it in the first draft. I could kind of find it on my own. And then in the second draft, it appeared at the dinner table scene. And in the third draft, it appears later the way you see it in the movie.
But just to give you another example, Daisy’s end in the third draft–which is what is in the movie–was where I thought I wanted to go in the first draft. But something stopped me from going there with her in that first draft. I almost felt I didn’t have the right to do that to her yet. Because I didn’t know her well enough. Not by just the first draft. So the second draft, and not in a tricky way almost just in an emotional way just as far as I was concerned, I wrote the whole second draft from Daisy’s perspective. Alright, just emotionally. Not in a tricky prose way, but just an emotional way. So I could really get to know her. I wanted to be on Daisy’s side for an entire draft of the story so I could really feel I knew her. And then after I feel I knew her, I could do what I needed to do to her.

To find out just what Tarantino did to Miss Daisy Domergue, go catch the roadshow while you can. It’s a thrilling movie mystery experience and one of my favorite films of 2015. Tickets and more information are available at: Tickets.TheHatefulEight.com/
Meanwhile, the regular release goes wide on December 31st.

 

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Film Review “Daddy’s Home”

Starring: Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg
Directed by: Sean Anders
Rated: PG 13
Running time: 1 hr 36 mins
Paramount

Our Score: 3 out of 5 stars

With 52% of all marriages in America ending in divorce, the plot of “Daddy’s Home” may resonate more than the filmmakers thought. Brad Whitaker (Ferrell) is a great guy. Volunteers to work with kids, donates his time coaching…he does all the things a great dad does. Except he has no children. A “mishap” earlier in life has made him unable to father a child. But his dream comes true when he marries the beautiful Sarah (Linda Cardenelli), who has two young children from her first marriage. Brad does his best to gain the kid’s love, often making their lunch and putting inspirational messages inside next to the PB&J sandwich. But the kids don’t thaw easily. Young son Dylan (Owen Vacarro) begins to warm but daughter Megan (Scarlett Estevez) is taking a little more time. She has begun including Brad in her “family” drawings, but unfortunately in each drawing he’s dead. Kids!

A hit or miss re-teaming of the stars of “The Other Guys,” “Daddy’s Home” survives on the chemistry between Ferrell and co-star Wahlberg, who plays Dusty, the kids birth father. When he comes to visit, astride a beautiful, gleaming motorcycle, Brad begins to feel intimidated. This doesn’t stop him, however, from allowing Dusty to stay in his house. Brad is the manager of a smooth jazz radio station, whose boss (Thomas Haden Church) is always sharing stories about his multiple marriages. When Dusty is hired to be the “voice” of the radio station (he records all of the station’s bumpers and promos) things get a little testy at home. But Brad doesn’t give up. With occasionally funny consequences.

Director Anders, who also co-wrote the script with John Morris and Brian Burns (they also collaborated on the original “Hot Tub Time Machine” and sequels “Horrible Bosses 2” and “Dumb and Dumber To,” proves himself skillful at setting up some major sight gags but when it’s just the cast intermingling the film begins to slow down. Ferrell and Wahlberg appear to be having fun, and a small role of former handyman/new house tenant Griff (Hannibal Buress) could have been expanded some as he had some of the best lines. All in all, when the kids are disappointed that “Star Wars” is sold out, you can have a little fun with them here.

Film Review “Concussion”

Starring: Will Smith, Alec Baldwin and Albert Brooks
Directed by: Peter Landesman
Rated: PG 13
Running time: 2 hrs 3 mins
Paramount

Our Score: 4 out of 5 stars

Growing up a teenager in the 70’s, the dominant football team was the Pittsburgh Steelers. They were stocked with hall of fame players, including Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, “Mean” Joe Greene and Jack Lambert. Another hall of famer was center Mike Webster. Webster was always a favorite of mine. A huge man who could seemingly take on the opposite teams entire defensive line if necessary. I liked the fact that he never wore a jersey with sleeves, the idea being that the opponent couldn’t grab them. Mike Webster died in September 2002. Little did he know that he would be remembered more for his death than for his playing.

Built on a solid performance by Will Smith, “Concussion” introduces us to Dr. Bennet Omalu (Smith), whose job is as a coroner for Allegheny County, Pennsylvania. When Mike Webster dies, it is Dr. Omalu who performs the autopsy. The Steelers quickly announce that Webster has died of a heart attack but Dr. Omalu has found something different. Irregularities in Webster’s brain, which the doctor named Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, best known as CTE. Dr. Omalu learned that, in the past six months of his life, Webster had lived in his truck under a Pittsburgh overpass. He suffered dementia and had attempted suicide multiple times. Dr. Omalu writes up his opinions and publishes them in 2005, estimating that players like Mike Webster get hit in the head in excess of 70,000 times in a career. At first, the NFL disregards the doctor’s opinion but, the next year, they ask that the paper be discarded, calling it “a failure” and “completely wrong.” David just work up Goliath, but like that fabled battle good must triumph.

As someone who played football and had his “bell rung” a couple of times, I was anxious to see how this story would be portrayed. The filmmaker (director Landesman also wrote the script) does a balanced job and the only reason one side of the issue looks better is because it is coming from a concern of caring, not of greed. Like the Big Tobacco Companies and the Asbestos Manufacturers, the truth has been out there, but kept hidden. The film allows you to make up your mind on where you stand.

I played football when I was a youngster, as did my son. Thankfully we were both much better in baseball and that is the sport we pursued in high school and beyond. Should I ever be blessed with a grandson, I hope he follows in our footsteps.

Film Review “Point Break (2015)”

Starring: Edgar Ramirez, Luke Bracey and Ray Winstone
Directed By: Ericson Core
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 113 minutes
Warner Bros. Pictures

Our Score: 1 out of 5 stars

Kathryn Bigelow’s 1991 movie “Point Break” is far from being the “Die Hard” of the 90’s, but it certainly understood how to have fun with it’s silly premise of the FBI infiltrating some bank robbing surfer bros. Stylish, dumb edge of your seat action and entertaining are just a handful of the words I would use to describe Bigelow’s surprise hit. Dumb is the only word I would use to describe 2015’s “Point Break”.

Edgar Ramirez and Luke Bracey hope to conjure up the same absurd bromance that Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze displayed 14 years ago. Bracey plays Utah, who in this reimagining isn’t an all-star college quarterback, but is instead a dare devil motocross junkie who decides upon a career in the FBI after his best friend dies attempting one of his dangerous stunts. It’s there in the FBI that Utah, through a truly random hunch, figures out that some globetrotting crooks are actually attempting to complete eight death-defying stunts to achieve enlightenment.

Leading the group of criminal, extreme sport enthusiasts is Bodhi (Ramirez). He’s quite possibly the most infuriating character in recent movie history. He speaks about the destruction of Mother Earth while partying on a gas guzzling yacht in the middle of the ocean and using an abundance of other oil produced equipment to cheat death under the guise of achieving his own personal Nirvana. It’s both equally offensive to eco-warriors and anyone who follows the teachings of Buddha.

Bigelow seemingly understood that a dumb action movie is inherently farcical, so she filled up her movie with enough action to push out those nagging logical thoughts, but this new reboot does the opposite. Director Ericson Core feels that an abundance of exposition is more interesting than the possible heists and fight choreography that our characters could subject themselves to. There’s way too much droll downtime between breathtaking shots of characters escaping death.

Kurt Wimmer, who also used “Total Recall” like toilet paper when remaking it, manages to do the same with “Point Break”. Maybe adaptations and remakes aren’t for Wimmer, who’s done a much better job penning original movies like “Law Abiding Citizen” and “Salt”. Wimmer writes his characters into too many corners, spinning them off into far too many loose ends. Wimmer sloppy adds a lot red herrings, such as the businessman who sponsors the crooks.

There’s certainly a level of dignity that Hollywood must hold itself to when remaking a movie that people consider a classic. “Point Break” is far from being an untouchable Holy Grail in cinema, but there’s no reason it should have been rebooted drug through the mud. Core and Wimmer are clearly more comfortable in their own playing field with their own characters. They seem nervous having to update a character by having him text emojis or being recognizable on Youtube. What made the original duo of Swayze and Reeves cool was action sequences they found themselves in, not their misguided philosophies on saving the planet.

This “Point Break” remake is a disaster that astonishingly arrives on the heels of nearly a dozen better Christmas day releases. “Point Break” lacks enough action to forget its most glaring flaws, and it lacks enough relatable characters to feel anything when conflict happens between an undercover FBI agent and a misguided thief. It’s a failure at nearly every level except its cinematography. It’s certainly pretty to look at, but it’s like unwrapping a neatly wrapped Christmas present only to find a lump of coal.

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