Starring: Steve Pinder, Michael J. Cline and Maya Jeyam
Directed by: Quinn Armstrong
Rated: NR
Running Time: 90 minutes
Cranked Up Films

Our Score: 3 out of 5 Stars

Horror is truly different for everyone. For me, it’s spiders. Most bugs I’ll get up and close with kleenex to dispose of, but if I spot a spider, I’m grabbing the nearest blunt object and potentially putting a hole in the wall. For others, it could be a variety of things, blood and guts, unnatural fears, possession, clowns, etc. For some, a film like “The Exorcism of Saint Patrick” is an all too real microscope on their own trauma that they’ve dealt with.

The film is primarily between Pastor Pat (Steven Pinder) and Patrick (Michael J. Cline). The two are at a lonesome cabin near the woods because Patrick’s parents want Pastor Pat to convert him. Not to Christianity, but to heterosexuality. The shy, bullied teenager is bullied even further by Pastor Pat. Pastor Pat only refers to him as Trick, basically implying that once he renounces his homosexuality, he’ll actually be identified as a person. Pastor Pat forces him to do repetitive demeaning tasks, belittles him, hits him, and a variety of other cruel “treatments.” Patrick is unwilling, afraid and alone, emphasized by how much his parents hope Pastor Pat’s “treatment” works. The film quickly addresses and touches on topics of LGBTQ+ oppression, suicide, assault, depression and it’s only a matter of time before past, deceased patients of Pastor Pat decide his reign of terror needs to end.

The first half of “The Exorcism of Saint Patrick” can easily be a real life horror of its own, before it takes a supernatural turn. The film is way more layered than what I’ve laid out, showing hints of Pastor Pat’s own personal sexual repression, as well as how he channels that into his profession and tactics. The dialogue between the two, at times, feels thoughtfully introspective. That being said, it doesn’t necessarily make Pastor Pat sympathetic because he has clearly channeled his own problems into undeniable cruelty.

As for whether or not the supernatural elements equal horror, I’m a little inclined to say it doesn’t necessarily coalesce in the end. The film does seem to drag a bit as it reaches the finish line. The film makes great use of practical gore, blood and other bodily fluid practical effects throughout, but it felt more like a drama than a horror. That being said, “The Exorcism of Saint Patrick” is terrifying for a certain segment who’ve had their sexuality questioned to the point of harm. The other aspect of this film is that it’s the first of a trilogy of anthology films, referred to as “Fresh Hell,” by writer-director Quinn Armstrong. Depending on how the following films shape-up, Armstrong is either exploring the individual horrors we all deal with or showing the wide-ranging ability of horror to be fun, scary and serious.

Starring: Olivier Rabourdin, Kate Moran and Marc Barbe
Directed by: Claude Schmitz
Rated: R
Running Time: 117 minutes
Yellow Veil Pictures

Our Score: 2 out of 5 Stars

I feel like I’m flipping a coin anytime I see a horror or thriller film that had its premiere at Cannes Film Festival. For every time I get a film I enjoy, like “Parasite,” “The Innocents” or “Neon Demon,” I make the mistake of sitting through “The Killing of Sacred Deer” or “Titane.” In comes “The Other Laurens,” a film that checks the right boxes for me. Lynchian? Check. Neo-noir? Check. Dark comedy? Check. This should be good, but it isn’t.

Gabriel (Olivier Rabourdin) is a miserable private investigator in Brussels, who sticks out like a frog on a log, although most people would see him and immediately forget him. Compounding his misery is Jade (Louise Leroy), his identical twin brother’s daughter, notifying him that his brother Gabriel has died in a car crash, although the events surrounding it don’t add up. Having been estranged from his brother for quite some time, Gabriel not only finds that his brother’s life is a mess, but there could be something sinister pulling the strings he’s attempting to untangle.

About an hour into “The Other Laurens,” I began to wonder, not only where the time went, but if the plot had even furthered itself. While we get to understand more about Gabriel, Jade seems to just be viewer eye candy. Anytime we get to potentially learn more about it, the film seems certain that we need more reassurance that Gabriel is as frumpy as he looks. It’s nothing against the acting, at all, it’s just that Gabriel isn’t a compelling lead even if he is a flawed hero. I understand his purpose to the plot, and the theme of personal evolution and escaping the shadow of your much better sibling, but it never coalesces, even by the time the film warps up. At times it feels like it’s about to pull a fast one on you and make you re-evaluate it, but it doesn’t

“The Other Laurens” is well-acted, well-shot, and at times has a perfect atmospheric homage to 80s aesthetic, but it’s also exhaustingly written to a fault. It’s easy to fault a movie’s runtime when things begin to dry up, but it’s not just that. Even when the film is engaging you, it seems uninterested in Gabriel and even if you’re still interested. There are several scenes and moments of dialogue that really suck you in, but then it’s overshadowed by another moment that appears to serve no purpose other than to further the point that Gabriels’ life has been relatively meaningless and meandering up until this point. He’s potentially handling the most personal, and diabolical case of his life, yet it never feels like it. Some of the promotional material before I watched this film painted it as a slow burn, but it’s more like expecting damp wood to suddenly roar to life.

• BONEYARD
• Starring:  Brian Van Holt, Curtis Jackson and Mel Gibson.
• Directed by:  Asif Akbar
• Rated:  R
• Running time:  1 hr 40 mins
• Lionsgate

New Mexico.  2009.  While out walking their dog, a citizen comes across what appear to be human bones.  Further investigation turns up no less then eleven bodies.  The place is a virtual boneyard.

I have been a champion of filmmaker Asif Akbar since I saw his 2012 documentary, “Top Priority: The Terror Within.”  He followed with such films as “Astro” and last year’s spy-thriller “MR-9: Do or Die,” films that I enjoyed immensely.  And just when I think I’ve got him pegged as an action director, he throws me a curveball with the psychological drama “Boneyard.”

After the above mentioned remains are discovered, it falls to Albuquerque detective Ortega (Van Holt) and his partner (Nora Zehetner) to investigate the grisly findings.  They are offered assistance from the FBI who send in the laid back, but to the point, Agent Petrovick (Gibson, in his best performance 2020’s “Fatmam”).  As the story backtracks via flashbacks we discover that both men are dealing with the demons of their past, making this case personal.  As the story progresses, we find ourselves trying to solve the crime with them.  It’s the once-disgraced detective Tate (Michael Sirow).  No, wait, it’s the quiet man who has a habit of trying to give young girls a lift (Weston Cage Coppola).  It’s…well, you get it.

The film is well cast, with Gibson and Van Holt leading the way.  Coppola (yes, he’s Nic’s son) is well cast as the quiet man of faith who may or may not be a killer.  And special mention for Mr. Sirow, who makes you care for what should be an unsympathetic character.

The script, co-written by Akbar and three others, is reverent when it needs to be, but not afraid to throw in some much appreciated humor now and then.

On a scale of zero to five I give “Boneyard” ★★★★  

Starring: Cassie Hamilton, Zarif and Chris Asimos
Directed by: Alice Maio Mackay
Rated: NR
Running Time: 81 minutes
Dark Star Pictures

Our Score: 3 out of 5 Stars

On one hand, “Satranic Panic” is a film featuring heaping doses of drag shows, demons and dismemberment. What more could you honestly ask for in an LGBTQ+ horror film? On the other hand, the film does something you wouldn’t expect in between scenes of blood and viscera, it makes you want to have a drink or a smoke with its characters while lending an ear as they discuss what’s on their world weary shoulders.

Aria (Cassie Hamilton) rules the stage, belting out mesmerizing songs that may or may not serve as plot points. Off stage, she misses Max (Sebastien Grech), the boyfriend of her best friend, Jay (Zarif). They casually recount, which helps set up the bizarre and sometimes comedic tone of the film, how Jay was murdered by Satanists, or at the very least, a group of people who enjoy demonic looking cult attire. During the discussion backstage, they’re attacked by a well-dress hillbilly man who shapeshifts into a demon. The encounter has convinced Aira and Jay that it’s finally time to find Max’s killers and get revenge, especially since Aria has demon sensing abilities, thanks to an estrogen shot.

While the plot comes off as chaotic, it’s never confusing. Instead of bogging the viewer down in more otherworldly details, it manages to take the cast from one adventurous excursion to another, while unveiling more about the emotional baggage and turmoil each character brings with them on the trip. Of course, the film has a villain and there is a connection between the cult who killed Max and the random appearances of demons. The villain represents what you can pretty much you can piece together from the title and cast of predominantly queer, nonbinary and trans individuals.

This was one of the many films I was unable to catch at 2024’s Panic Fest, which is a shame because this is the kind of film that works best with a crowd. While the laughs would be hearty, the attention to emotional reveals would be palpable by the hundreds of glued eyeballs on the screen. “Satranic Panic” has a bit of a Troma charm to it, which means it’s far from being a mainstream film and will be adored by horror fans. Generally speaking, horror has been a safe haven for the outcasts of society. Seeing the trans community swipe back at Christian nationalists who believe someone’s sexuality is the downfall of society, wouldn’t quite resonate as much as it does outside the horror fanbase and LGBTQ+ community.

Despite “Satranic Panic” being her fourth film, there’s this likable first-time indie vibe that permeates throughout director/writer Alice Maio Mackay’s work. It’s surprising because the vibe radiates underneath the cheeky and emotional confidence of its cast (with major props to Hamilton and Chris Asimos), its gloomy neon glow and ludicrous plot that makes us feel genuine connections to our characters on their chaotic road trip. While the movie sometimes fails to balance its cheese and seriousness, especially with it’s underlying themes, “Satranic Panic” is still an entertaining embodiment of gory cinematic passion.

Starring: Mick Fanning, Luke Hemsworth and Craig Anderson
Directed by: Vaughan Blakey and Nick Pollet
Rated: NR
Running Time: 81 minutes
Blue Fox Entertainment

Our Score: 1 out of 5 Stars

I don’t think I’ve seen a surf movie, and no, I don’t count “Point Break.” So, when I get a hold of a film called “The Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe,” I kind of have to take it at its word, regardless of my dislike of superlatives. The stop-motion doll film, with live-action narration by Luke Hemsworth, began oddly interestingly enough. A “not-completely-sold-on-the-premise” Hemsworth tells us that a deadly virus has wiped out about 75% of everything on the planet in 2034; humans, bugs, animals, etc. He explains that in a mad dash to stop the death of every known species, a scientist creates a vaccine that instantly erases all memories of surfing. Hemsworth, who still doesn’t seem sold on the premise after five scenery chewing minutes, tells us that the Surf God is getting a team together to save surfing.

The plot reads like a surfer stoner version of “Team America” mixed with a vaccine version of “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” Unfortunately for the supposed best surf movie in the known universe, too much pot was smoked. Other than Hemsworth’s magnetism, the stop motion dolls are about as functional at moving a plot along as pre-schoolers playing with Barbies or G.I. Joes. Once you realize the jokes are all anatomical and scatalogical, without any real variation, the smallest of smirks starts inverting causing your eyes to roll. The film struggles mightily to land a joke and that’s what attempts to do for over an hour. The other issue is that our characters are all surfers, who don’t have acting chops, natural likeability or any discernible movie making skills. It’s made worse by the fact that Hemsworth pops up every once and a while, reminding us that even a C-List cast could have enhanced the characters, the humor, and the overall film.

Maybe I’m not the right demographic for this film, which is why I refuse to discuss my overall boredom with this film any longer. Maybe it’s all inside jokes and I need to spend a week on the beach catching waves to find it entertaining. Maybe the half dozen or so montages of real surfing were supposed to be cool instead of dry. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to get the urge to check my phone every minute. If that’s the case, an incredibly niche audience will adore this film. As for being the greatest, in a lot of ways it still is because it’s the only surf movie I’ve seen. That also means it’s the worst one I’ve ever seen.

Starring: Keir Gilchrist, Lucy Hale and Francesca Eastwood
Directed by: Daniel Andre
Rated: R
Running Time: 91 minutes
Lionsgate

Our Score: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Anytime I watch a bad comedy, I always feel like writing, “comedy is hard.” That’s because it is. During my most recent trip to San Diego Comic-Con, I spent an off-night watching comedians at an open-mic night. I’d like to say they all performed well, but 3 out of 4 times, the unknown comedian on-stage bombed. At least the 1 out of 4 kept things interesting every 15 minutes. Cut to several weeks later, I’m watching another comedian, director/writer Daniel Andre bomb on screen with “Running on Empty.”

The film starts out interestingly enough. Mort (Keir Gilchrist) is a mortician (I can’t tell if this is a play on words or a bad joke) who lives in a world where we have figured out a way to determine one’s death day, or as the film calls it; life day count. Ignoring the science and notion that life is predetermined, we focus on Mort who finds out he has less than a year to live, which causes his fiance, who has a much, much, much longer life day count, to dump him on the spot. In an effort to cheer Mort up, his friend recommends a dating site for other 20-to-30-somethings in his position who have only days left on this Earth. Then the film keeps making the plot more complicated than it should be with a montage of bad dates, a sex worker, an angry pimp, a family that is troubled, but rarely seen, and the potential of finding the love of his life. Also, for whatever reason, he continues to work his 9-to-5 at the morgue.

There’s a lot of funny people in “Running on Empty,” like Jim Gaffigan and Jay Pharoah, but just like the title, their creative juices are hampered and running low. Gaffigan gets in a few clever quips (or maybe I like him enough to forgive the bad humor), but it’s obvious he only was on-set for a day. Same with Pharoah. As for Chilchrist, it’s difficult to put any blame on him for Mort’s dull unlikeability. The only time Mort works as a character is when he does find love, but it’s so brief and fleeting it makes you wonder if Andre even knew how to write the romantic part of his romantic comedy. “Running on Empty” is like an unrealized idea for a love story with a series of sketch comedy ideas that are tonally inconsistent, predictable and awkwardly portrayed beforehand.

There’s actually some good stuff here, but it’s briefly scattered throughout. The only part that kept me constantly entertained was relegated to the end, for whatever reason. Andre could have benefitted from input, or even improvisation by the cast. The dialogue is wooden because none of the conversations between characters feels natural. Even the comedy feels like a stand-up comedian feeling around to see what works, only to find out that none of it does before it’s too late.

• TWISTERS
• Starring:  Daisy Edgar-Jones and Glen Powell
• Directed by:  Lee Issac Chung
• Rated:  PG 13
• Running time:  2 hrs 2 mins
• Universal/Warner Bros.

I always marvel when a bad storm hits here in the Midwest, both at the way the weather rapidly changes as well as at those that get in their cars and trucks and pursue it.  Usually it’s the low man on the local news weather team, shouting over the wind and rain hitting their trucks while the senior weather person keeps saying, “stay safe out there, Bob!”  Though there have been two major tornadoes within 100 miles of my house near Kansas City I am relieved that, while my neighbor recently lost a large section of his fence, and I once found my grill cover in my other neighbor’s yard, I have never experienced the level of disaster shown in the new film “Twisters.”

The film begins in a familiar way.  A group of storm chasers tracking a funnel cloud, hoping to gather scientific data.  However, they underestimate the strength of the storm and soon find themselves seeking cover from a true once in a lifetime storm.  One that changes forever the lives of those that survive it.

Full of amazing visual effects and a likeable cast, “Twisters” is more of a comment on today’s social media footprint then on the weather.  Kate (Edgar-Jones) has not forgotten the friends she lost five years earlier and now, instead of chasing storms, she tracks them for the National Weather Service.  She is brough back out into the field by Javi (Anthony Ramos), her one-time partner in both storms and romance.  Javi is now partnered with a mysterious company whose intentions may not be as honorable as presented.  They find themselves pitted against Tyler (Powell), a self-proclaimed “tornado wrangler” who sells t-shirts and has his own popular Youtube channel.  Will these two factions put aside their differences when it matters?  Maybe.

While it’s obvious that the cast is having a lot of fun, the drawback to this film is the script.  There are so many moments where an idea begins to show itself on screen, only to somehow be dismissed with the audience left wondering “whatever happened to….?”  Oh, and – SPOILER ALERT – there are now flying cows!  What could have been a Category F-5 of a film weakens to a slight breeze in the storytelling department.  Which is a shame because, as I said, the characters are likable.  You just wish they had an idea of what they’re doing.

On a scale of zero to five, “Twisters” receives ★★★

• FLY ME TO THE MOON
• Starring:  Scarlett Johansson, Channing Tatum and Woody Harrelson
• Directed by:  Greg Berlanti
• Rated:  PG 13
• Running time 2 hr 12 mins
• Apple +

July 20, 1969.  A day of some significant events.  “Lost” actor Josh Holloway was born.  The number one song in the USA was “In the Year 2525” by Zagar and Evans.  Oh, and the United States landed a man on the moon.  Right?

Kelly Jones (Johansson) is a marketing wiz who will stop at nothing to get the job done.  She attracts the attention of the mysterious Moe Berkus (Harrelson), who introduces himself as an emissary of the US government, most notably NASA.  The country is still reeling from the tragedy brought about by the fire that killed the Apollo 1 astronauts and funding is running low.  Per President Kennedy’s directive to put a man on the moon by the end of the decade, there is a lot riding on the upcoming Apollo 11 mission.  So much so that Kelly’s job is to make sure we “land” on the moon…no matter what.

A fun and nostalgic trip back in time, “Fly Me to the Moon” is a film that combines the right amount of comedy, drama and, yes, romance to create a very enjoyable two hours at the movies.

Johansson is well cast as Jones, a woman who understands that for her to succeed in the male dominated world of marketing you sometimes have to bend the rules.  As the mysterious Moe, Harrelson at his witty best.  The casting trio is completed by Tatum’s Cole Davis, the launch commander who is still haunted by the Apollo 1 tragedy.

As the space agency continues to prepare for the upcoming launch, Kelly and her staff are off in a far away hangar, where “the moon” has been built, complete with lunar module, and a cast of actors ready to “land” at a moment’s notice.  As fact and fiction continue to one-up each other, much is learned about the three principal characters.  It’s a fun film that is very much worth a watch.

Believe it or not, there are people who still don’t believe we went to the moon.  I had a friend who once confronted Apollo 11 astronaut Michael Collins at a convention and got into a shouting match with him, demanding to know how they survived the “radiation belt.”  It got so loud we were asked to leave.  There are even rumors that NASA hired director Stanley Kubrick, whose “2001: A Space Odyssey,” featured ground breaking visual effects.  This proposal is commented on in the film and it garnered some great laughs by those aware of the rumor.  And it was just a rumor.  Right?

On a scale of zero to five, “Fly Me to the Moon” receives ★★★★

• BEVERLY HILLS COP: AXEL F.
• Starring:  Eddie Murphy, Taylour Paige and Kevin Bacon
• Directed by:  Mark Molloy
• Rated:  R
• Running time:  1 hr 56 mins
• Netflix

Forty years ago an unnamed studio executive convinced Sylvester Stallone to drop out of one film and do “Cobra” instead.  The film in question was “Beerly Hills Cop,” and the character of Axel Foley solidified Eddie Murphy as a true movie star.  Four decades later, we once again find the Detroit cop back in Beverly Hills, this time working on a case that he can’t help but take personal.

Bolstered by a fine story and strong leading performances, “Axel F.” works as both a continuation of the original film series or as a stand-alone crime drama.  We meet Axel (Murphy) back in Detroit, where he is still pissing off the residents of the Motor City.  When he learns his estranged daughter Jane (Paige), an attorney, is representing a suspected cop killer he returns to California to protect her.

Seeing Murphy back on screen in his Detroit Lions jacket and Adidas shoes, it’s like no time has passed since the first film.  Murphy and I are the same age (63) and if we stood next to each other you’d think I was his grandfather.  I think returning to a character he knows so well served as a fountain of youth for the actor, who is constantly moving on screen.  His scenes with Paige are among the film’s best, as Murphy shows an emotional range that may surprise some.  It’s his best performance since his Oscar-nominated work in “Dreamgirls’ – an award, in my opinion, he should have won!

In between the action we get to catch up with old friends like Billy Rosewood (Judge Reinehold), Taggert (John Ashton) and Serge (Bronson Pinchot), who slip back into their characters as easily as an old pair of shoes.  Throw in a bearded, and unrecognizable, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a detective who has a past with Jane and Kevin Bacon as a no-nonsense cop and you have the makings of a well told story.

Not sure if Murphy will ever revisit Axel Foley again but if this film is any indication, it would be a most welcome return.

On a scale of zero to five, “Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F.” receives ★★★★

• DESPICABLE ME 4
• Starring:  Steve Carell, Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig
• Directed by:  Chris Renaud and Patrick Delage
• Rated:  PG
• Running time:  1 hr 35 mins
• Universal

When the first “Despicable Me” film came out in July 2010, I loved it.  Not only was it funny, but it had heart.  It also had the best 3D I had ever seen with an animated film.  Since then, Gru, the Minions and company have had some amazing adventures.  That legacy carries on with “Despicable Me 4.”

We find Gru (Carell) enjoying his domestic life, spending his days with his wife, Lucy (Wiig), adopted daughters Agnes (Madison Skyy Polan), Margot (Miranda Cosgrove) and Edith (Dana Geier) and his infant son, Gru Jr., who, despite Gru’s many attempts, isn’t bonding with Dad as much as he’d like.  Enter a new villain and  tons of Minions and you have an adventure the entire family can enjoy.

Action packed, and very funny, “Despicable Me 4” benefits by the comfort the voice performers have with the characters.  They are strongly supported by Ferrell, as new nemesis Maxime, and Sophia Vergara as his femme fatale, Valentina.  A bonus is the creation of five Mega Minions, whose super powers are quite unusual.

With all of the mayhem taking place on screen, it’s nice to see that the storyline is equally devoted to Gru as he attempts to bond repeatedly with his son.  And when the family have to go into hiding from Maxime, the emotional vocal work of the cast pays off in spades.

Illumination Studios continues to equal, if not occasionally surpass, Pixar as the leader in animated films and “Despicable Me 4” is no exception.  Attention to detail is paramount, and the filmmakers manage to give each Minion it’s own personality, each one voiced by Pierre Coffin.  The screenplay, co-written by Mike White (“School of Rock,” “White Lotus” and Ken Daurio (“The Secret Life of Pets”) is both sharp and funny.  The film is well paced and will hold the attention of even the littlest audience member.

 On a scale of zero to five, “Despicable Me 4” receives ★★★★

• INSIDE OUT 2
• Starring:  Any Poehler and Maya Hawke
• Directed by:  Kelsea Mann
• Rated:  PG
• Running time:  1 hr 36 mins
• Disney

Emotions.  Whether or not we want to admit it, they rule us.  And every time we think we finally have them under control a new one comes along to stir things up.

Meet Riley (Kensington Tallman).  Living happily with her parents and playing hockey, she spends all of her time with her best friends, Grace and Bree.  Things are going well and the girls have been selected to attend an off-season hockey camp to prepare for next season.  To top the day off, Riley has turned thirteen.  Quite a lot going on but under the supervision of Joy IPoehler), the transition appears to be going smoothly.  Now say hello to Anxiety.

Perfectly melding story and animation together, “Inside Out 2” is another feather in the cap that is Disney/Pixar.  Ever since “Toy Story” this company has turned out film after film that resonate with audiences all over the world.

If you’ve ever worried about anything in your life, you’ve dealt with anxiety.  Sometimes even the smallest thing makes you worry.  Here Riley is hit with a double shot of problems – Bree and Grace will be attending a different school next year so they will no longer be able to play hockey together combined with Riley’s desire to make the team no matter what.  Things get even more complicated when the team’s star player, Valentina (Lilimar), a player Riley admires, takes an interest in her making the team.  Suddenly rational decisions are thrown out the window as Anxiety muscles herself into taking control from Joy.

And while Anxiety plays a central role we still get humorous visits from earlier emotional favorites like Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust.  They must team up to protect Riley from Anxiety and their methods are rather fun.

The animation, as to be expected, is brilliantly rendered and the story smart and captivating.  While it doesn’t pack the emotional wallop of “IF,” it’s still a great film to take the fmily to.

On a scale of zero to five, “Inside Out 2” receives ★★★★

Starring: Mia Goth, Elizabeth Debicki and Moses Sumney
Directed by: Ti West
Rated: R
Running Time: 104 minutes
A24

Our Score: 4 out of 5 Stars

“What is Ti West trying to tell me?” That was a thought that kept popping up during the brief and distantly scattered lulls in “MaXXXine.” If you didn’t know, “MaXXXine” is the conclusion to director/writer West’s Mia Goth horror homage trilogy. Just like in “Pearl” and in “X,” Goth plays an antihero that we sympathize with because she’s fierce. She’s an ambitious young woman looking to escape a humdrum confining life. She finds power in violence, but will she finally achieve the infamy and freedom that she so desperately wants?

Maxine (Goth) just landed a role in “Puritan 2,” the upcoming horror sequel currently being protested by…well…modern day puritans. Radicalized individuals picket outside Hollywood studios in the background as Maxine sees a bright future ahead for herself. After years of porn work, she believes she has her big break. She’s so starstruck by her own potential stardom, she seems to care less that the Night Stalker is terrorizing the surrounding hills. Yes, it’s the 80s. Every corner of Hollywood looks like Skid Row, the morality police are in panic mode and slashers populate cinemas across the nation. Maxine blends in with it all, but her dreams of being a star seem too good to be true. A mysterious individual leaves a tape at her front door. What’s on it? Her dark past.

West has already solidified himself in the horror community, but with “MaXXXine,” he may have solidified himself as a household name with the completion of this fascinating and wildly entertaining trilogy. Each film, while fitting neatly in different aspects of the horror genre, manages to feel magnificently different and fresh. However, “MaXXXine” is the most audacious and grandiose of the bunch. While “MaXXXine” features a thick cast, like Kevin Bacon’s old school magnetism, Giancarlo Esposito’s scene chewing, or Elizabeth Debecki’s commanding screen presence, Goth casually remains the focus from her first time on screen to her last.

“MaXXXine” is able to entertain without any knowledge of the other films, just like “Pearl” and “X,” but it is immensely richer if you have seen the other films. Not only does “MaXXXine” love being self-referential, to the point of being meta on its own meta, it builds upon its own mythos in subtle ways. Watching the trilogy will also help you understand Maxine even more during her long stares and daydream fantasies. Also, let’s be blunt, this trilogy is a true horror showcase for Goth’s range and power to maintain viewer’s attention over five hours.

Back to the opening question of this review…West looked to tie his main theme in ”MaXXXine,” simply by going to Hollywood and going big. “MaXXXine” hammers home its nuanced commentary on art imitating life and vice versa. In all these movies, we not only see how the power of cinema impacts Goth’s character, but we see how much the act of making films, both the fictional ones within the movie and the actual films, become the ultimate commentary on the power of storytelling. “MaXXXine” takes place during the 80s when crazed Christians thought the devil had infested pop culture, and lawmakers were considering regulations and bans on art because of that moral panic. It took about 40 years for history to repeat itself. West loves filmmaking, it’s very obvious from not only watching “MaXXXine,” but this trilogy as a whole. Hell, maybe West channeled his life and ambitions into Maxine. Or, maybe West wants us to know Hollywood is not only a fucked up place, but so is everyone in it.

• BAD BOYS: RIDE OR DIE
• Starring:  Will Smith and Martin Lawrence
• Directed by:  Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah
• Rated: R
• Running time:  1 hr 55 mins
• Columbia Pictures

Butch and Sundance.  Murtaugh and Riggs.  Carter and Lee.  Every era has a buddy team that transcend pop culture.  If I’m right, when you read the above names you immediately thought “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” as well as the “Lethal Weapon” and “Rush Hour” film series.  For the 21^st Century I offer Mike Lowery and Marcus Burnett.  You can just call them Bad Boys.

We find ourselves back in beautiful Miami – the photography here is post card worthy – and find detectives Lowery (Smith) and Burnett (Lawrence) attending the wedding of the granddaughter of their late boss, Captain Howard.  Things go from celebratory to chaos when it is announced that there is corruption in the Miami P.D. and that it was encouraged by Howard.  Sensing a set up, the two partners soon find themselves on the run as they not only try to clear Howard’s name but discover the real culprits.

Packed with both the over the top action and well timed comedic moments, “Bad Boys: Ride of Die” is a marvel of action film making.  Directors Arbi and Fallah have found a way to put the audience into the middle of the action, very similar to the work Dev Patel did with “Monkey Man.  I did catch a short “making of” piece about the film and the technology used today is stunning.  It’s almost like being in the middle of a live action episode of “Grand Theft Auto!”

Both Smith and Lawrence have grown into their roles and their comfort with each other is evident in every scene.  You sense the chemistry the two have forged after nearly three decades.  And hats off to both actors for only doing four films in that time frame.  Most film series’ (I’m looking at you “Fast and the Furious”)  just put out cookie cutter imitations of the past and, while they make money – my friend Carl Gottlieb once said that the only sequel that loses money is the last one – they don’t give the characters the room and time to grow on screen.  I also must mention that Eric Dane makes a very impressive screen villain.  The man is downright scary. 

The production values are top notch, helped out, as noted in my first paragraph, by some beautiful photography created by Cinematographer Robrecht Heyvaert.  The film even gets a blessing from the series original director, Michael Bay, who makes a fun cameo appearance.

When you’re done doing what I’m doing – humming the “Bad Boys” song in your head – take a trip to the local cinema and say hello to Lowery and Burnett.  You won’t be disappointed.

On a scale of zero to five, “Bad Boys: Ride or Die” receives ★★★★

• BIONIC
• Starring: Jessica Cores, Bruno Gagliasso
• Directed by: Afonso Poyart
• Rating: Unrated
• Running Time: 110 minutes
• Netflix

The cinematic exploration of the potential negative consequences of A.I. are nothing new in cinema, but neither are stories involving bionically enhanced humans. Lee Majors in the ‘70s era TV series “The Six Million Dollar Man” is the first one that comes to mind. The new Brazilian science fiction film “Bionic,” set in the year 2035, attempts to explore what the negative fallout could be if amputees, who became that way by accident or on purpose, had essentially superhuman strength and speed with new, computerized appendages. In the case of “Bionic,” it tackles this scenario via the sports world and how fully natural athletes would do against unfair competition. Sometimes “Bionic” is successful with this endeavor, but often it sputters and stumbles as it fails to cross the finish line.

The story revolves around a pair of Brazilian sisters born of a superstar track and field mother who dies when they are young. The oldest sister, Maria (Jessica Cores) has all the potential to become a superstar in her own right. However, her dreams are dashed with the arrival of bionic limbs, which turns her younger sister, Gabi (Gabz) into an international superstar. Records are broken right and left as natural athletes are left eating dust. Eclipsed by her sister, Maria is left feeling bitter. Enter Heitor (Bruno Gagliasso), a man of dubious character who is not afraid to rob and steal his way to riches. Charismatic, he uses his charms to convince Maria to help him steal a bunch of high-powered microchips that are implanted in the brain to sync it up with any bionic parts that are added. The sibling rivalry between the two girls becomes worse as the story moves along, putting the lives of their stereotypical, overbearing coach of a father and their brother in jeopardy.

Stylistically, “Bionic” is often eye pleasing, but icing alone does not make a cake. The competition portion of the story is laughably bad while the supposed good characters become increasingly unlikable as it progresses. There is little to no suspense in what is supposed to be an action sci-fi film with a climax so bad that it ruins anything that was positive. The post climatic scene at the end is even worse, leaving me with the thought of, “Did I just watch this?”.

Overall, “Bionic” is about it $5,999,999 less than Lee Majors.

“Bionic” receives ★ out of five.

• THE BEACH BOYS
• Starring:  Brian Wilson, Mike Love, Al Jardine
• Directed by:  Frank Marshall and Thom Zimny
• Rated:  PG 13
• Running time: 1 hr 51 mins
• Disney

 The term genius is reserved for only the best of the best in a particular field.  In music that list includers Beethoven, Lennon and McCartney and a Southern California boy who wanted to be a baseball player, Brian Wilson.  Along with his brothers Carl and Dennis, cousin Mike Love and friend Al Jardine, Brian the Beach Boys created some of the greatest music ever recorded.  But the waves were not always smooth for the band.

Airing on Disney+, “The Beach Boys” is an in depth look into how a band that had to borrow money for it’s equipment from a member’s mother and endure a band name they hated achieved both the highs of fame and the lows of mental exhaustion.

Managed by the Wilson’s father, Maury, an aspiring musician himself, the group basically rode the popular wave of surfing music – which in the early 1960s was mostly instrumental -by capitalizing on the boy’s good lucks and Brian’s songwriting ability.  The band was riding high in the first half of the decade but when Brian decided to stop touring with the band and concentrate on the music, the band released some of their best work.  Not coincidentally, this was the same time period as the Beatles exploded onto the scene, causing Wilson and the team of Lennon and McCartney to create some of their greatest work, almost as in competition with each other.

But behind the scenes, things weren’t always as sunny.  Tired of Murray Wilson’s meddling, the band fired him as manager, allowing him to run their publishing company.  This same period  featured both highs (the classic albums “Pet Sounds” and “Smile”) and lows (Brian’s slowly crumbling mental state).  As the decade ended we learn that Dennis had been introduced to another aspiring musician, Charles Manson.  In 1968, the band released a song co-written by Dennis Wilson and Manson called “Cease to Exist” – later retitled “Never Learn Not to Love”) as a B-side to the singled “Bluebirds Over the Mountain.” It was Dennis who introduced Manson to record producer Terry Melcher, who had no interest in Manson’s songs.  It was to Melcher’s house that Manson dispatched his followers too on the night of August 9, 1969, unaware that Melcher no longer lived there but was renting the house to director Roman Polanski and his wife, Sharon Tate.

The film also chronicles how the band’s record company didn’t know how to market their greatest album, “Pet Sounds,” originally releasing it in England while launching a Greatest Hits album in the states.  It also details the difficulties the band had with Murray Wilson who, without talking to Brian Wilson, Mike Love and the others who wrote songs, sold the rights to the band’s catalog for $700,000, a steal when you consider that Bob Dylan recently sold his catalog for $200 million.

But despite the ups and downs, the music continues and it is the music that will endear us to the band for as long as we have music. 

On a scale of zero to five, I give “The Beach Boys’ ★★★★★