• THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER
• Starring:  Corey Hawkins, Liam Cunningham and Javier Botet
• Directed by:  Andre Ovrefal
• Rated:  R
• Running time:  1 hr 59 mins
• Universal

1897.  At the docks in Carpathia the sailing ship Demeter prepares for its journey to England. A few men short, the Captain (Cunningham) goes into the local tavern to recruit some help.  All goes well as they fill the hold.  But what’s in that big box full of dirt?

Based on “The Captain’s Log” chapter in Bram Stoker’s classic novel, “Dracujla,” “The Last Voyage of the Demeter” is a fine entry in a series of Dracula inspired films dating back to 1929’s unauthorized classic “Nosferatu.”

One of the men taken aboard, Mr. Clemens (Hawkins), is an Oxford trained doctor whose skin color has prevented him from getting a job.  Needing to return to England, he takes the gig, seeing it as a free ride home.  On board is the usual assortment of colorful characters, including the loyal first mate, the precocious grandson of the captain, the loveable dog.  And someone else.  Or is it something?

The film is well paced, with occasional bits of humor interlaced with truly horrific moments.  The tension on board, especially at night, and during a storm, is so thick you can cut it with a knife.  As livestock, and then shipmates, are discovered dead, with their throats ripped out, the superstitious crew begins to paint fingers at anyone and anything.

The performances are strong, and the film goes out of its way to avoid many of the standard horror film tropes, which makes for quite a few “wow, I didn’t expect that” moments.

The production design is top notch, as are the visual and makeup effects.

A perfect combination of gore and terror, “The Last Voyage of the Demeter” is a trip you definitely want to take if you are a horror film fan.

“The Last Voyage of the Demeter” receives a total of four out of five stars.

Starring: Emilia Clarke, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Rosalie Craig
Directed by: Sophie Barthes
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 109 minutes
Vertical

Our Score: 1.5 out of 5 Stars

The word AI is beginning to permeate the landscape as humanity navigates an exciting, yet dangerous future. “The Pod Generation” has arrived at the near perfect time to comment on the machine learning phenomenon we’re all experiencing. The film is about NYC couple Rachel (Emilia Clarke) and Alvy (Chiwetel Ejiofor). Rachel works for an AI company that makes little eyeball products that are like some kind of 22nd century nightmare version of Alexa or Siri. Alvy on the other hand, is a botanist that teaches at a nearby college.

They’re polar opposites in their careers, whereas Rachel sees a bright digitized future, Alvy seems to yearn for a return to nature. This style clashes when the Womb Center, exactly what you think it is, says that they have a limited number of spaces for couples to have their baby in their pod-shaped incubator. Rachel is eager to sign-up, while Alvy is a bit hesitant. They both want children, but disagree on the path forward. Rachel eventually wins out, mainly signing up behind Alvy’s back, but Alvy warms to the idea when he watches the artificial insemination process. This is all fascinating and interesting, but that fades as the movie progresses.

The biggest issue in “The Pod Generation” is that it’s too long and only has surface level commentary that approaches the story like a shotgun blast of ideas instead of a sniper rifle of wit. While the film could have simply honed in on technology versus humans’ animalistic need to procreate, the film seems to throw every idea at us without rhyme or reason. For instance, we see women protesting the Womb Center, but never hear their counterpoint or why. We see these eyeball products everywhere, but never get a full idea of how intrusive they are. We see an entirely robot run school, but never get an idea if it’s beneficial to the children in it. We hear about how there’s a serotonin bliss meter being monitored by the government, but that’s about it. All these neat sci-fi ideas are just vomited on us without any kind of idea or point behind them.

Unfortunately, this continues for over 100 minutes, which begins to make your mind wander during the film. Which meant I began to poke holes in the various sci-fi tropes it’s utilizing. For instance, at one point, Rachel and Alvy begin seeing a marriage counselor that’s just another big AI eyeball that talks to them. You’re telling me that in this future, the human brain has been unlocked to the point that AI can articulately offer psychological advice, yet there’s still a need for human botanists to teach college kids? At one point the couple are watching “March of the Penguins” on a 32-inch TV and I had to wonder, because this is in the 22nd century supposedly, why is a couple watching a 100-plus year-old movie on what’s most likely a very tiny TV at this point in technological evolution? Also, we never made TV’s better than standard definition? I wouldn’t be having these nitpicky thoughts if I wasn’t so bored by its lack of in-depth philosophical ideas and unnecessary runtime. Then there are just scenes of Rachel dreaming like it’s an episode of “Black Mirror,” which just made me want to open Netflix.

I would hate this movie more if it wasn’t for the performances by Clarke and Ejiofor. They really ham it up in some scenes, even if I never believe that these two people are in an actual relationship, much less banging. I can’t help but wonder if this kind of plot and idea would have been better served in a “Black Mirror” episode with a twinge of despair or horror. I say that because the movie just kind of ends without any kind of climax of note. We’re just kind of left wondering, “That’s it?” In a contemporary world begging for AI satire, “The Pod Generation” may have actually benefited from an AI editor.

• THE BAKER
• Starring:  Ron Perlman, Emma Ho and Harvey Keitel
• Directed by:  Jonathan Sobol
• Rated:  R
• Running time:  1 hr 44 mins
• Darius Films

While sitting in his car in a parking garage a man witnesses a brutal fight between a group of men that ends with everyone dead.  As he begins to call 911 he sees a large canvas bag.  He grabs the bag and runs.  Big mistake.

A film that shares a lot of movie DNa with “The History of Violence” and “Nobody,” “The Baker” tells the story of a man who is forced to return to a part of his life he thought he had left behind in order to protect his family.  Here the man (Lan always excellent Perelman) is a simple baker, quietly making rolls in his kitchen when his son unexpectedly drops by.  Also unexpected?  A granddaughter he never knew existed.  The son asks his father to watch the girl for a short while as he takes care of some business.  Reluctant to do so, but understanding the bond of family, the man agrees.  What’s the girl’s name, he asks?  Delphi.

Packed with action and bolstered by the performances of the cast, “The Baker” rises above the standard “anything for my family” tropes by exploring both the amotional baggage of the Baker and Delphi (Ho).  We learn that the girl hasn’t spoken since the passing of her mother, silently chronicling all she sees with a small camera.  Even without words, the bond between grandfather and granddaughter grow.

I have been a fan of Ron Perelman’s since “Quest for Fire” and he has turned in some fine performances in film as diverse as “The Name of the Rose” and the “Hellboy” series.  As a young boy my son loved watching the television series “Beauty and the Beast,” even though he thought it was called “Beauty and the Priest.”  I once metl Perelman in New York and he signed a photo to my son, writing “the Priest” below his signature after I told him my son’s perception of the title.

Also standing out on screen, young Ms. Ho, who conveys more with her eyes then most actors can with an entire monologue.  And it’s always fun to see Harvey Keitel on screen, here chewing scenery as the bad guy behind the film’s opening brutality.

As summer winds down, and you are overwhelmed by all of the “Barbieheimer” social media posts, I recommend taking the time to seek out “The Baker.”  It “rises” to the occasion.

“The Baker” receives three and a half our of five stars.

Starring: Natalie Burn, Ser’Darius Blain and Cam Gigandet
Directed by: Shane Dax Taylor
Rated: NR
Running Time: 109 minutes
Cineverse

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 Stars

In a previous critic’s life, I reviewed blu-rays for action movies you’ve never heard of. You’ve never heard of them because they usually utilized 80s action stars in their twilight years for a few minutes, just so they could get Bruce Willis or Jean Claude van Damme on their cover art. The movies were notoriously rough because of their hairbrained scripts, wooden acting, CGI blood and explosions, and incompetent use of 80s tropes. Thankfully though, the low-budget action movies I watch now are directed or written by those with a deep understanding of what made 80s action great. Brutal violence, spurts of fake, but realistic looking blood, schlocky dialogue bordering on unintentionally funny, and stories that have you rooting for the good guy; Or in the case of “Til Death Do Us Part,” the good bride.

When we first meet the bride (Natalie Burn) and groom (Ser’Darius Blain), they seem like they’re madly in love. In fact if you didn’t know this was an action movie, you’d think that you’re stuck watching a third-rate Hallmark rom-com in the first several minutes. The bride is happy, the groom is yucking it up with his seven groomsmen, and all seems well. But suddenly, the bride bails because, as we find out, her hubby-to-be is a professional assassin. That doesn’t sit well with the groom who sics his groomsmen, who are all mercenaries, after her.

“Til Death Do Us Part” is like if “Kill Bill” and “Scott Pilgrim” had a one night stand that led to pregnancy. The violence is joyous as each groomsmen meets a brutal end at the hands of a woman scorned. Each groomsman attempts to bring his own pizzazz to the battle, only to have the bride find another unique way to dispose of them. While the kills and fight scenes are not as highly choreographed as the two films I mentioned above, “Til Death Do Us Part” makes up for it in pure tongue-in-cheek brutality. Very rarely does Burn make the bride more than a revenge driven killer and very rarely do any of the groomsmen evolve above one note bastards looking to do the bidding of the groom.

If I had a complaint about “Til Death Do Us Part,” it’d be the runtime and the attempt to make the world bigger than it seems. I won’t reveal the specifics, but “Til Death Do Us Part” seems to play with the notion that there’s more to explore in this world. While that may be, the writer seems to want to take this in a semi-serious direction, which actually works against what makes this film enjoyable. During most of its runtime, I don’t have to worry about putting too much thought into what I’m watching and can simply enjoy the slicing and dicing. It also needs an editor, as evident by the runtime that pushes us well past the 80-to-90-minute mark. Simply put, this film would have knocked it out of the park if there was less talking and more groomsmen to kill.

“Til Death Do Us Part” mainly works because of its cast, which is ready and willing to get covered in blood. Burn plays the bride with enough sympathy and grit that we can’t help but smile as she goes on a relentless killing spree as geysers of blood coat her face and pristine white wedding dress. The best man, played by Cam Gigandet, gets to gnaw on the wedding scenery as he dispatches groomsman after groomsman while speaking philosophically as if he’s Socrates in ancient Rome. Even if you’re watching “Til Death Do Us Part” by yourself, you’ll find plenty to smile about as the body count piles up and the bride’s white wedding dress becomes a blood soaked badge of revenge.

Directed by: Justin Simien
Starring: LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Rosario Dawson, Dan Levy, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jared Leto
Distributed by: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Running time: 123 minutes

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Having visited three Haunted Mansion rides at Disney World, Disneyland and Disneyland Paris, this movie really gets the attraction down! I wasn’t sure what to expect from “The Haunted Mansion” but I walked out of the theater with a smile on my face.

Official Premise: Inspired by the classic theme park attraction, “Haunted Mansion” is about a woman and her son who enlist a motley crew of so-called spiritual experts to help rid their home of supernatural squatters. 

LaKeith Stanfield’s character brings the believability to the story. Owen Wilson just played Owen Wilson, the same character. Danny Devito was my personal favorite, simply hilarious… and I didn’t expect that either. I wish Dan Levy was in it longer, and same goes for Jared Leto.

I really enjoyed the darker side of the story. The PG-13 rating really gave it a chance to go deeper into love, loss and finding oneself. But don’t let ’em fool you, the beginning had a good portion of excellent jump scares. The ending also catches you off guard, which I enjoyed quite a bit!

The visual effects were impressive but felt a little cartoony at the end due to the Hat Box ghost appearance. But overall, I think “The Haunted Mansion” did a great job representing the attractions. But just a warning to parents, it is a solid PG-13, so little ones might be left scared.

• OPPENHEIMER
• Starring: Cillian Murphy and Emily Blunt
• Directed by: Christopher Nolan
• Rating: R
• Running Time: 3 hrs
• Universal Pictures

The Academy Awards ceremony is several months away, but a serious contender is already in theaters now – Christopher Nolan’s “Oppenheimer.” Based upon the Pulitzer Prize-winning 2005 biography “American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer” by American novelist Kai Bird and the late historian Martin J. Sherwin, “Oppenheimer” is an important work of cinema about a figure most Americans don’t know. Led by a fantastic performance by Cillian Murphy (“Inception”), seamless direction by Nolan, and a three-hour story that doesn’t waste a second of our time, “Oppenheimer” is a diligent drama that also manages to generate some suspense.

The story takes us back to 1929 when Oppenheimer was just a young, anxiety-riddled physics student. After earning his physics doctorate in Germany, he returns to the U.S. to teach quantum physics, initially in California. It is during those pre-war years that Oppenheimer develops ties to the Communist Party via an on-and-off relationship with a female party member and later his future wife, Katherine (Emily Blunt) an ex-Communist herself. Despite these associations, which were dangerous to have in America at the time, Oppenheimer is recruited by U.S. Army General Leslie Groves (Matt Damon) to lead the Manhattan Project, a top-secret initiative to build an atom bomb before the Nazis.

Once he sees the destruction wrought by the dropping two atom bombs on Imperial Japan, Oppenheimer becomes a vehement opponent of a nuclear arms race. His past interactions with the Communist Party, and his personal dalliances make good cannon fodder for slighted U.S. Atomic Energy Commission member Lewis Strauss (Robert Downey, Jr.) to go after when he seeks out to ruin the “father of the atomic bomb.”

Nolan, who adapted the novel into screenplay form, does not waste a moment of our time with a fairly accurate story that is always moving forward. The pacing never wavers, and Nolan keeps it basic without a lot of special effects. Even though we know how the experiment is going to turn out, it is still terrifying, for example, when Oppenheimer and his crew realize there is a slim chance that their bomb may spark cataclysmic destruction on a global scale.

Murphy delivers a complex performance of a man who raised to the pinnacle of fame only to see himself crashing to earth. Blunt as his alcoholic wife shares some good moments with him with Downey, Jr. arguably delivering the best performance of his career.

Overall, “Oppenheimer” is a satisfying movie that is educational, enlightening, and entertaining.

“Oppenheimer” receives four stars out of five.

Starring: Holland Roden, Kyle Gallner and Chris Mulkey
Directed by: Laurence Vannicelli
Rated: NR
Running Time: 99 minutes
Dark Sky Films

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

When death occurs, it leaves a scar. Not only the loss of a loved one, but the words that will never be said. The emotions that will now never be conveyed or felt. The questions that will now go on unanswered. I won’t bother looking up who said it because it’s a universal truth, but the only sure thing in life is death. In “Mother, May I?,” death is really the only sure thing.

Emmett’s (Kyle Gallner) mother, who abandoned him, has recently passed. Understandably, he wants to go to her house, get in, get out and move on with his life. Emmett’s fiance, Anya (Holland Roden), is in tow as emotional support, but that support seems a little flawed. At least from my vantage point. In an effort to help alleviate the pain of the experience of being in her house, Anya recommends they take psilocybin mushrooms. I have yet to try this method, but seeing people on mushrooms without having to deal with trauma tells me…I won’t. While tripping, Emmett and Anya decide to play a little roleplaying game where Anya is Emmett’s mother. It’s weird, oddly sexual and freaks Emmett out a bit. However, the troubles continue when he wakes up the next day and Anya is still pretending to be his mother. Or is she?

“Mother, May I?” is the definition of unsettling. As the film progresses, we begin to wonder if something supernatural is happening. Anya, who professes to not know how to swim, begins to swim whilst continuing to “be” Emmett’s mother. She also begins to exhibit ticks that Emmett knows his mother had, but has never told Anya. The emptiness of the house they’re in, compounded by the callousness of Emmett’s mom in flashbacks, allows the film to creep slowly under your skin, wriggling around when tensions come to a boil. When things explode between the two, it’s like a therapy session in hell.

Since most of “Mother, May I?” is filled with our two leads, so much of the film’s emotional weight is carried by Gallner and Roden who do spot-on jobs when their characters are hurt, vengeful, remorseful and horny. Rarely does the film relent, seemingly putting its foot down on the emotional accelerator. At some points you have to wonder who’s attempting to inflict emotional damage and who’s using brutal honesty to progress their own self-reflected feelings forward.

So what exactly is going on with Anya? Is she possessed or is she creating a cruel new form of psychotherapy? Or better yet, what’s going on with Emmett? Is he truly disturbed and upset or is he a unique byproduct of a broken mother-son relationship that would have Sigmund Freud licking his lips? Since the film leaves every question unanswered, the film in of itself is like death. As the credits roll, we’re left wondering what if and why.

• MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: DEAD RECKONING PART ONE
• Starring: Tom Cruise and Hayley Atwell
• Directed by: Christopher McQuarrie
• Rating: PG-13
• Running Time: 2 hrs 43 mins
• Paramount Pictures

Unlike other tired movie franchises that never seem to end, think “Transformers” and “Fast and Furious,” the “Mission Impossible” series, which began way back in 1996, has bucked the trend and has continued to not only stay fresh with each passing installment, but it has managed to find a way to get better. “Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One,” the seventh installment involving secret agent Ethan Hunt, more than lives up to the hype with lots of great action, tremendous stunts, suspense, and a solid storyline that provides a cautionary tale about the dangers artificial intelligence could hypothetically pose to humanity.

The seemingly ageless Tom Cruise, in the wake of the wildly successful “Top Gun: Maverick,” is in top form as IMF secret agent Ethan Hunt, who is tasked with a new mission if he chooses to accept it. This time, he is asked to retrieve half of a key from his ally, sometimes romantic interest, and former British agent Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson). He soon learns that both halves of the key are desired by every nation on Earth as it could possibly lead to controlling an artificial intelligence called Entity, which has gone rogue much to the detriment of every network on the planet.

Ethan believes Entity is uncontrollable and vows to destroy it. To do this, he assembles his team including Ilsa, Luther Stickell (Ving Rhames), and Benji Dunn (Simon Pegg). A highly skilled pickpocket and thief named Grace (Hayley Atwell, “Captain America: The First Avenger”) stumbles upon Ethan and gets pulled into their high stakes’ gambit. Ethan’s principal opponent, besides the George Orwell-type A.I., is an old nemesis of his named Gabriel (Esai Morales, “La Bamba”) who once played a pivotal role in Ethan becoming an IMF agent and is now aligned with Entity.

Directed by Christopher McQuarrie (“Mission Impossible: Fallout,” “Jack Reacher,” “The Way of the Gun”), who’s no stranger to Cruise, has crafted a wild roller coaster ride that is absolutely perfect for summertime entertainment. McQuarrie’s craftmanship leaves us wanting more, which is a good thing since “Dead Reckoning” is split into two parts with the second half to be released next year.

Cruise once again shows that he is arguably the last true movie star. The kind of star that harkens back to a bygone era when one name across the top of the movie poster could ensure its success. His skills as an actor have never been better as he seems to elevate the rest of the cast that surrounds him. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that the film’s brilliant story taps into the fears of what an A.I., that doesn’t value human life, could be capable of.

Overall, “Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One” is one of the two best movies of the summer season (the other being “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3”).

“Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One” receives four stars out of five.

• TIGER WITHIN
• Starring:  Ed Asner and and Margot Josefsohn
• Directed by:  Rafal Zielinski
• Rated:  Not Rated
• Running time:  1 hr 38 mins
• Menemsha Films

I didn’t have to move to the Kansas City area to understand the power of the late Ed Asner.  A local boy from the Kansas side of the state line, Asner went on to an amazing acting  career, earning (7) Emmy Awards (tied for third place in most acting wins with his “Mary Tyler Moore Show” co-star Mary Tyler Moore).

I grew up watching him on such long-running shows as “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” (Emmy) and “Lou Grant” (Emmy) as well as such mini-series’ as “Rich Man, Poor Man” (Emmy) and “Roots” (Emmy).  On a more personal note, I had the amazing opportunity to interview him once and he loved the fact that I felt his best role was as Axel Jordache in “Rich Man, Poor Man,” especially because he felt the same way.  And even more personal, he is only the second celebrity who asked my permission to give my wife a kiss on the cheek – the other being Jay Osmond.   So when I learned that one of his final films was being released I jumped at the chance to see it.

Casey (Josefsohn) is the new girl in class.  No sooner does she sit down at her desk when, thanks to an obnoxious classmate, she is sent to the principal’s office.  Returning to the home she shares with her mother and abusive boyfriend, Casey feels the time has come to leave Ohio and visit her father in Los Angeles.  Soon she finds that things aren’t always sunny on the West coast.  Until she meets Samuel.

A true coming of age story, “Tiger Within” is the story of a girl who refuses to conform to anyone’s perception of who she should be.  Realizing that her father and his new family aren’t really excited at her arrival, Casey decides to strike out on her own in the big city, sleeping wherever she can find space, including a local cemetery that Samuel (Asner) visits often.  Concerned for the young girl, he offers to buy her lunch and let her clean up at his apartment.  As time goes by, the two develop a true kinship, one that allows Casey to conquer her fears and embrace the tiger within.

The film works in many ways, but the key are the performances of Asner and Josefsohn.  Samuel is a Jew who last most of his family during the Holocaust.  He is appalled that Casey has a swastika on her jacket and even more appalled that she not only thinks of it as just a way to say “F-you” but that she has been taught that the Holocaust was false.  The film is eye opening in this way, tackling other social issues, including sex trafficking.

The script is well written, with the occasional bit of humor to bring some levity to some serious issues.   The film moves smoothly and takes advantage of the fact that Casey is always drawing in her notebook by using animated versions of Casey’s art to denote scene transitions.

Though the film is not rated, it does deal with some serious issues.  But it is the handling of those issues, and Asner’s performance, that make this film a must see!

On a scale of zero to five I give “Tiger Within” four stars.  

Starring: Alice Lucy, David Schofield and Casper Van Dien
Directed by: Johannes Hartmann and Sandro Klopfstein
Rated: Unrated
Running Time: 92 minutes
Raven Banner

Our Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars

One of my favorite movie going experiences was 2007’s “Grindhouse,” by Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino. Not so much the Tarantino portion, but the Rodriguez portion. After convincing several friends to drop money on a three-plus hour film, we were immediately rewarded as blood, guts, mayhem and tongue-in-cheek comedy took center stage. Even though there were only a handful of us in a mostly empty theater, there were times we could barely hear the movie over our own laughter at every exploding zombie head and intentionally bad scene. I sometimes wonder why more modern exploitation films aren’t made. Regardless, I’m glad someone did this year.

Heidi (Alice Lucy), of “Mad Heidi,” lives in the Swiss Alps with her grandfather, occasionally spending time (i.e. sex) with her lover, Goat Peter (Kel Matsena). Goat Peter, though, is quickly executed in the film by the fascist Swiss government in this alternate reality. Goat Peter’s crime? Selling illegal dairy products. In this cartoonish dystopia, Swiss Dictator Meili (Casper Van Dien) has outlawed lactose intolerance, conquered every inch of the dairy market, and is creating a cheese that forces the populace to be subservient Swiss patriots. After Goat Peter’s execution, Heidi is imprisoned, sending her on a trashy path towards vengeance.

“Mad Heidi” is what happens when you take an 1881’s children’s book, and smash softcore porn nudity, over-the-top violence, and out-of-date trashy storytelling in between the book’s pages. To say “Mad Heidi” is not for everyone, is like saying Jaegermeister is an “acquired” taste. Even the people watching, cheering and laughing during “Mad Heidi,” recognize it’s intentionally offensive humor, second rate CGI blood spurts and gore, and 80s action one-liners for what it is. Ridiculously amusing and oddly charming. The charm switch gets flipped on because of Lucy’s double sided performance of Heidi, a sweet relatable country girl who has to become a warrior badass. It helps that her nemesis is played by Van Dien, who may as well have eaten a spoonful of fondue before every cheesy line delivery.

The winks at other genre films is endless; all the way back to the sleaze of films like “Caged Women” to modern schlocky action-comedy like “Kung Fury.” With Van Dien on cast, the movie wastes no time in referencing “Starship Troopers,” and the references never get old as the film goes on. If I was to knock “Mad Heidi” for anything, it’d be that it’s a smidge too long and it doesn’t quite live up to the wall-to-wall insanity in other modern exploitation films like “Hobo with a Shotgun” or “Black Dynamite.” That being said, modern exploitation feels like an incredibly hard genre to pull off because exploitation is now the internet, and it’s hard to match the ferociousness of real violence broadcast into our eyeballs every day. “Mad Heidi” also has to tow this line of intentionally offensive stereotypes that are funny without upsetting modern sensibilities.

The great thing about modern exploitation and “Mad Heidi,” is that uptight people looking for the next thing to be outraged and shocked over won’t be watching the trailer for this film or looking at the poster and thinking, “I gotta check this out.” In a surprising way, it’s refreshing to watch something so politically incorrect, that you either have to hold your nose or roll with the offensive punches. I chose the latter. I relished every brutal bloody battle, every gruesome kill, every uncomfortable moment and all the little moments of absurd world building. For fans of any of the films I’ve mentioned above, or fans of B-movies with hyperviolence and immoral sexuality, “Mad Heidi” is a must. Also, someone find Tarantino and Rodriguez, and let them know another pupil of trash cinema has arrived.

• MISSION IMPOSSIBLE – DEAD RECKONING PART ONE
• Starring:  Tom Cruise, Hayley Atwell and Ving Rhames
• Directed by:  Christopher McQuarrie
• Rated:  PG 13
• Running time:  2 hrs 43 mins
• Paramount

Tom Cruise just turned 61 last week.  But when you watch his latest action thriller you may not believe that.  To call his latest “Mission Impossible’ epic “a non-stop rollercoaster ride of action” may actually be a slight.

A new, top secret submarine is testing out it’s new technology – one that makes it entirely invisible to any kind of radar.  As the sub is about to end it’s journey the captain is alarmed to find his sub being identified and fired upon.  This can’t be happening.  Right?

While the first two film in the “Mission Impossible” series were entertaining, heled by acclaimed filmmakers Brian De Palma and John Woo.  Yet, there always seemed to be something missing.  That missing piece was found in Part III, under the direction of J.J. Abrams.  A combination of action and story that continues wth the seventh installment of tghe series, “Dead Reckoning.”,

This time the story finds Ethan Hunt (Cruise) and his Impossible Mission team (Rhames and Simon Pegg) trying to find the way to stop an A.I. program known as the Entity that is becoming more and more sentient.  Along the way, they cross paths with a world class thief (Atwell), a true villain (Esai Morales) and even their own government, which, of course, is an oxymoron since by rule the government has no knowledge of their actions.

And what action it is!  From high speed car chases and train rides to an amzing freebase jump of fthe back of a motorcycle (no spoilers here – it’s in the commercials) the film actually is a non-stop roller coaster ride of action!

In between the spectacular set pieces is a well crafted story, co-written by director McQuarrie, who won the Oscar nearly three decades for the legendary “The Usuasl Suspects.”  The story here has the same attention to details that McQuasrrie brought to “The Usual suspects” and we are kept guessing who is good and who is bad with each new twist.

Despite a running time of nearly three hours, the film flows smoothly, with nary a slow moment on screen.  That being said, I can understand why they decided to split the story into two films, as I can’t see audiences sitting through a five hour plus epic, no matter how entertaining it is.

One more note.  Cruise is a producer on the film and my only thought is because no other producer would insure him.  He has upped the ante of his stunts in every “Mission Impossible’ film and his work here is among the best I’ve ever seen on film.

You’re mission, shoud you decide to accept it, is to check out “Mission Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One” as soon as you can.

On a scale of zero to five I give “Mission Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One” four and a half stars.   

• INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY
• Starring: Harrison Ford and Mads Mikkelsen
• Directed by: James Mangold
• Rating: PG-13
• Running Time: 2 hrs 34 mins
• Walt Disney Studios

Sometimes things should be just left alone. Like a hornets nest or steaming pile of dog poop. This is also applicable to the entire “Indiana Jones” franchise after “Raiders of the Lost Ark” made its mark. Sure, 1989’s “Last Crusade” was fun with the late Sean Connery as Indy’s father, but the rest of the films have been forgettable to say the least. They are akin to staring at the sun because in an instant you realize it was a mistake to look. I wish I could say “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” was some superb sendoff to Harrison Ford’s iconic character. Unfortunately, it contains retread villains, a lackluster storyline, and a bow at the end that is too neatly tied.

With special effects to make Harrison Ford look young again, “Dial of Destiny” takes us back to 1944 during the Allied liberation of Europe. One more time Indiana has been captured by Nazis who are desperate to get away with their loot before the Allies take it from them. One Nazi officer has a fascination with the holy Lance of Longinus artifact, which he believes Hitler will use to turn the war around. Jones, aided by Oxford archeologist Basil Shaw (Toby Jones, “Captain America: The First Avenger”), is also in pursuit of it. However, the real prize as it turns out is half of Archimedes Dial, a mechanical, astronomical calculator designed to find fissures in time. Something that is highly prized by Nazi astrophysicist Dr. Jurgen Voller (Mads Mikkelsen).

Fast forward to 1969 New York City where we find a much older and depressed Indiana getting ready to retire from his professorship. His marriage to Marion is in tatters and no mention of his son, Mutt is made initially. Enter Helena Shaw (Phoebe Waller-Bridge, “Fleabag”), the daughter of his late friend Basil who pulls a reluctant Indiana into a race to complete the Archimedes Dial before Dr. Voller, who helped the United States develop its space program, can find it, and rewrite the history of World War II.

That’s all you will get of out yours truly. What I can say is that while it’s fun to watch Ford don the Indiana fedora again, the story is about as tired as his character. The initial 30 minutes or so is fun-filled popcorn entertainment, but it becomes boring. Unlike finding the Holy Grail, the so called “Dial of Destiny” is less exciting than finding what the prize is in a box of Crackerjacks. There are multiple characters from Indiana’s past who make what are glorified cameos, but these do little to improve the story. Mikkelsen, who has a unique skill to bounce between good and bad guys, is perhaps the lone bright spot with a truly villainous performance. Other than that, the remaining performances are either lackluster or annoying.

Overall, “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” should have destined for the straight-to-dvd bin at your local convenience store.

“Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” receives two-and-a-half stars out of five.

• MERMAIDS’ LAMENT
• Starring:  Dayva Summer Escobar and Justina Mattos
• Directed by:  G.B. Hajim
• Rated:  Not Rated
• Running time:  1 hr 31 mins
• Tween Sea and Sand Productions

Imagine having the ability to swim and socialize with your friends all day, not a care in the world.  If you’re a mermaid, life is pretty good.  At least until you get caught in a fishing net.  Then life can be pretty brutal.

Beautifully shot, with a script by director Hajim that delves into much more then you might expect, “Mermaid’s Lament” is buoyed by two very different performances, one almost silent and another raging.

Oee  – pronounced Oh-Eee – (Escobar) finds herself on a beach, totally alone and scared.  She makes her way to the highway, where she is spotted by Dr. Nell Jamison (Mattos), who takes the young woman first to town and, after Oee encounters a few troublemakers, to her home.  Dr. Nell is a psychiatrist and Oee is a woman in need of one.  Oee has lost her voice and this fact, along with a few things Dr. Nell considers “unusual” form not only a doctor/patient relationship but one that might be considered mother/daughter.  Nell truly cares for Oee and her well-being, but she also has some baggage of her own that effects her work and her relationship with Oee.

Both Escobar and Mattos bring true emotion to their performances, a fine achievement when you learn that both actresses are making their feature film debut.  The cinematography, by co-DPs Roselia Hernandez and Ronn Murray, is beautiful, particular the underwater shots.  The story is also complimented by an original musical score by Jessica Jarvis and Sharneisha Joyner.

On a scale of zero to five, I give “Mermaids’ Lament” three stars.  

• JOY RIDE
• Starring:  Ashley Park, Sherry Cola  and Annie Mumolo
• Directed by:  Adele Lim
• Rated:  R
• Running time:  1 hr 35 mins
• Lionsgate

After moives inspired by “The Simpsons” and “Bob;s Burgers” I have waited patiently for a “Family Guy” film.  Sadly, Seth McFarlane has not heeded my wishes.  That being said, with a script co-written by long time “Family Guy” writer Cherry Chevapravatdumrong, “Joy Ride” is a great consolation prize.

Audrey (Isla Rose Hall) is an Asian girl who was adopted by white Americans as a child.  Her parents, hoping to help her appreciate her heritage, introduce themselves to another Asian family at the playground.  There she meets the family’s young daughter, Lolo (Chloe Pun).  The two become best friends and set out on their paths as adults.  However, despite their shared heritage, their paths are quite different.

Outrageously funny, and just a little naughty, “Joyride” is a major filmmaking achievement, avoiding the stereotypical portrayal of Asians on screen and replacing them with a well written and well performed story that feels real.

Now an adult, Audrey (Park) is an attorney who is asked to represent her firm to a prospective client in China.  Nervous for a multitude of reasons, she takes her bestie Lolo (Cola) with her, along with Lolo’s cousin, Deadeye (Sabrina Wu), who is a huge KPop fan.  Audrey also plans to meet us with Kat (Stephanie Hsu), a friend from college who has found success on a Chinese soap opera.  As Audrey and her friends start their adventures, they all find much more then they are looking for.

This film has been compared to Kristen Wiig’s “Bridesmaids,” and rightly so.  Where the former film showed that women can be as raunchy as men, “Joyride” takes that achievement a step further, showing a little seen side of a culture that is often portrayed as cold and unemotional.

To say any more would give away some major plot points, but suffice it to say that the laughs are plentiful, with a few truly emotional moments thrown in to balance the story.  If you’re in need of a laugh – a real, genuine belly laugh – then I highly recommend “Joy Ride.”

On a scale of zero to five, I give “Joy Ride” four stars.  

• INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY
• Starring:  Harrison Ford, Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Mads MikMikkelsen
• Directed by:  James Mangold
• Rated:  PG 13
• Running time:  2 hrs 34 mins
• Walt Disney Pictures

If Adventure has a name…it must be Indiana Jones.  A great tag line for 1984’s “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.”   Nearly four decades later, those words still ring true.

Our story begins in 1939, where once again Dr. Henry Jones, Jr – Indy to his friends – (Ford) is battling his old nemesis, the Nazi Parry.  This time the bad guys are trying to posses the lance that pierced Jesus on the Cross.  They also have a little something something created by the great mathematician Archimedes that, if the story is true, can be used to influence time.  Not a bad trinket to have on your shelf.

Packed with non-stop action from beginning to end, “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” gives our hero one last adventure, and it’s a doozy.  The story picks up in 1969.  Man has just returned from the moon, thanks in part to a German mathematician (Mikkelsen) who may or may not have had a run in or two with Dr. Jones.  While the astronauts have their parade, Dr. Jones is teaching his last class, heading into what he believes will be a quiet retirement.  But a surprise visit from his Goddaughter, Helena (Waller-Bridge) gives him one last chance to put on the fedora.

Though I really enjoyed it, many fans were disappointed in 2008s “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” which was directed by the master Steven Spielberg.  What would a film directed by the man best known for “Walk the Line” and “Cop Land” offer fans?  The answer?  Plenty!  Mangold sets a frantic pace throughout the film, breaking up major action set pieces with brief moments of conversation to give the audience time to catch its collective breath.

The cast is stellar, with Ford once again at his adventurous and wisecracking self.  Waller-Bridge matches him stunt for stunt, and is a great Ying to Ford’s Yang.  Supporting work by Toby Jones, Antonio Banderas and young Ethann Isidore keep the film moving when the action slows down.  It’s a cliché, but I would pay to see Mads Mikkelsen read the phone book.  In films as diverse as “Casino Royale” and “The Hunt,” he has given some masterful performances.  His work here is another triumph.

Though rated PG 13, the film is a little darker than other films in the series (and I say that knowing that a character had his heart pulled from his chest in “Temple of Doom,” helping to usher in the PG 13 rating.  There are some violent scenes in “Dial of Destiny,” and that well-known sound effect called the “Wilhelm Scream” gets quite a workout.

That being said, it’s a true pleasure to see Indiana Jones back on the big screen, where he and his adventures belong.  After all, it’s not the years.  It’s the miles!

On a scale of zero to five, I give “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” five stars.