Starring: Mick Fanning, Luke Hemsworth and Craig Anderson
Directed by: Vaughan Blakey and Nick Pollet
Rated: NR
Running Time: 81 minutes
Blue Fox Entertainment
Our Score: 1 out of 5 Stars
I don’t think I’ve seen a surf movie, and no, I don’t count “Point Break.” So, when I get a hold of a film called “The Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe,” I kind of have to take it at its word, regardless of my dislike of superlatives. The stop-motion doll film, with live-action narration by Luke Hemsworth, began oddly interestingly enough. A “not-completely-sold-on-the-premise” Hemsworth tells us that a deadly virus has wiped out about 75% of everything on the planet in 2034; humans, bugs, animals, etc. He explains that in a mad dash to stop the death of every known species, a scientist creates a vaccine that instantly erases all memories of surfing. Hemsworth, who still doesn’t seem sold on the premise after five scenery chewing minutes, tells us that the Surf God is getting a team together to save surfing.
The plot reads like a surfer stoner version of “Team America” mixed with a vaccine version of “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” Unfortunately for the supposed best surf movie in the known universe, too much pot was smoked. Other than Hemsworth’s magnetism, the stop motion dolls are about as functional at moving a plot along as pre-schoolers playing with Barbies or G.I. Joes. Once you realize the jokes are all anatomical and scatalogical, without any real variation, the smallest of smirks starts inverting causing your eyes to roll. The film struggles mightily to land a joke and that’s what attempts to do for over an hour. The other issue is that our characters are all surfers, who don’t have acting chops, natural likeability or any discernible movie making skills. It’s made worse by the fact that Hemsworth pops up every once and a while, reminding us that even a C-List cast could have enhanced the characters, the humor, and the overall film.
Maybe I’m not the right demographic for this film, which is why I refuse to discuss my overall boredom with this film any longer. Maybe it’s all inside jokes and I need to spend a week on the beach catching waves to find it entertaining. Maybe the half dozen or so montages of real surfing were supposed to be cool instead of dry. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to get the urge to check my phone every minute. If that’s the case, an incredibly niche audience will adore this film. As for being the greatest, in a lot of ways it still is because it’s the only surf movie I’ve seen. That also means it’s the worst one I’ve ever seen.