Directed By: Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring: Kit Harington, Emily Browning and Carrie-Anne Moss
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 105 minutes
TriStar Pictures
Our Score: 2 out of 5 stars
I’m not a filmmaker, but I think I found the recipe for Hollywood’s latest CGI reimagining of history, “Pompeii”:
* A disregard for human life seen in every Roland Emmerich disaster movie.
* About three seasons worth of “Games of Thrones” stylized backstory crammed into a 40 minute introductory.
* A half-hearted attempt at “Gladiator” revenge
* Sexy women. Always gotta have that.
* A couple of veteran actors to legitimize everything above.
Maybe I’m a sociopath for going in and thinking the only interesting part of this movie would be Mother Earth smothering people in toxic volcanic ash, but I know when I walk into a movie called “Pompeii”, I would not expect any less. They barely deliver on that.
Alright, so let’s at least gloss over this story that took itself way too seriously to the point of cheesiness. Milo (Harington) is a Celtic slave who carries with him the horrific memories of his entire village and parents being slaughtered by Roman soldiers. He is the latest hot commodity among slave owners because of his seemingly invincible fighting skills in the gladiatorial ring. He’s transported to Pompeii where he’s expected to take on the equally invincible, Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje). Along the way, Milo encounters Cassia (Browning) by pure chance. And by pure chance, I mean they encounter each other while he’s being transported and she’s coming back from Rome…in a city of over 10,000 people. Regardless, she becomes automatically infatuated with him. Too bad the visiting Senator Corvis (Keifer Sutherland) already has his creepy eyes on her. Oh, did I mention he’s the one who led the slaughter of Milo’s village? I’m barely scratching the surface of every little, unexplained or barely touched on, side story. There’s stuff about an unseen Roman emperor, Corvis and Cassia have some history, her parents apparently have turmoil with the empire and some flimsy attempt at making us relate to Atticus’ long path towards freedom. You’ll be rooting for the volcano to just wipe them all out.
Look, when Paul W.S. Anderson’s (not the Paul Anderson that gave us “Boogie Nights”) name pops up in the first couple of moments, you know you’re in for something lacking in plot. This movie however does play to his strong suits, CGI and violence. The fight scenes are entertaining and the multiple scenes of hundreds of people dying are entertaining. But not a lot of other things really peaked my interest. Everyone in this movie talks in angry whispers and half their conversations are passive aggressive remarks. This movie would have been a lot more fun without a story, but a lot more memorable with one.
I shouldn’t be hating this movie too much, I’m a sucker for disaster movies. Despite the constant shifting in my seat throughout, I was attentive for the film’s final act of devastation; complete with a chariot chase. The CGI is great and surprisingly the 3D was well used, especially during the eruption. If you snoozed through middle school or never passed fourth grade history, you will undoubtedly head in not knowing what the ending will be. But most people will know there ‘s no last minute heroics. I mean, the only person who saw this first hand was in a different city watching from afar. He probably didn’t want to witness the horror that was Mount Vesuvius and you probably won’t want to waste your weekend watching this. Wait for a home viewing with friends and beer handy.