Every couple has to face the moment when the differences between expectations and real relationships become so great that it’s nearly impossible to ignore them further. Here’s what you should know about expectations – if you don’t voice and/or reconsider them in time, they’ll shatter like glass, injuring everyone – both you and the one behind that glass.
In a relationship, expectations appear by themselves. This is the way we’re made – the human brain can’t but predict and build chains of inferences based on a person’s experience. And it’s incredibly difficult to get rid of expectations completely. After all, you can’t plan, move towards goals, and, most importantly, trust your significant other without them.
Difficulties come when we stop seeing our partners as individuals behind expectations. We build a picture in our heads, using phrases like ‘they should.’ And the longer we do that, the closer the disappointment. Do you really think your partner will do their best to meet your expectations, which may not even be entirely fair? It’s their life, not yours.
This doesn’t mean there’s no other option, and any relationship we’ll try to build in the future will fall apart. ‘Happily ever after’ is possible, and fortunately, it happens often. But there are some aspects of expectations that, when ignored, will destroy the feeling of closeness and harmony.
Expectations aren’t reality
It’s necessary to keep in mind – your expectations and reality are parallel worlds. They intersect somewhere, but rarely. You may have heard that Eastern European girls are gorgeous, loyal housewives, but you shouldn’t expect all of that when dealing with Ukrainian brides.
Expectations need to be discussed
Make sure your partner knows about them, as well as understands and agrees to follow them. Thus, you’ll develop a general picture of your partner for some time but not for long. You must review this general picture occasionally.
Expectations must be checked and reconsidered from time to time
This concerns you first. Maybe you have long stopped expecting your partner to meet the criteria you came up with several years ago. You’ve changed, and, most importantly, your partner and the environment have also changed, while you’re trying to live the old life, forcing others to do the same.
Expectations are responsibilities
We’re responsible for our expectations because they belong to us. We’re responsible for the perfect image that we adore so much. Ultimately, responsibility means action. Therefore, we ourselves must take steps and actions to fulfill our expectations. The partner can help – if asked, but they may refuse.
Expectations are a mirror
If you desperately want something from your significant other or expect them to have certain qualities – it’s about you. You either lack this quality or don’t recognize it in yourself. After all, it was you who put the mirror glass between you and the other person. And now, you look into it and see your shortcomings. You don’t develop this quality in yourself, hesitate to show it, but expect your partner to have it. And then, ironically, they don’t want to match the picture, helping you develop this quality.